Vending Machine Haunted By Malevolent Sprite


Written by: Sharon Roth

Gismeveldi DonCheeto, host of the podcast UCSD Ghost Hunters, claimed that the Subway vending machine on campus is haunted, describing how after only a few months of activity, the vending machine began dispensing soft drinks instead of sandwiches. In his latest episode, DonCheeto said, “I tried ruling out natural causes — I studied the science of sandwiches, the alchemy of fountain drinks. I even called HDH, but they hung up on me because I had ‘bad vibes.’”
DonCheeto concluded that the vending machine was haunted by a sprite, a fairy-like creature described in European folklore. “He goes by many names. The Diet Coke Deity, the Pepsi Poltergeist,” said DonCheeto’s co-host, Orlando Robbery. “We want to solve the mystery of this Fanta of the Opera.”

To investigate, DonCheeto and Robbery bought sandwiches from the Subway vending machine and reported which soft drinks the machine dispensed. They found no statistically significant correlation between the sandwich chosen and the drink, except for one outlier described in Robbery’s tell-all podcast episode. Robbery said, “Every time I try to buy a tuna sandwich the machine gives me a blank aluminum can filled with liquid nitrogen.”

Soon after reports of the haunted vending machine spread, the machine mysteriously began working normally again. After investigating, DonCheeto discovered that a magician had concluded that there were no issues. “Yeah, everything was totally normal. After all that hassle I found a half-empty can of Sprite behind the machine,” said the magician, “so I drank it.”

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Sharon was “born” in 1801. She inspired the Archie Comics, which later inspired the hit TV show Riverdale.

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