Volume 29 Issue 5
Astrology – Your Whorescope
Heads up – this feature is from our special Cosmopolitan issue. Click here to view the original PDF! (Desktop browser recommended.)
March Madness Shortens Format To Draw in Younger Audience
After years of declining viewership, the NCAA announced a shift in their annual March Madness tournament in an effort to “pander to those damn kids.” “It’s …
UCSD Athletics Pivots to Rotisserie Chicken Eating
After the president of the Costco Club generated more school spirit and attendance than any sporting event in the history of UC San Diego by eating …
Railway Company Responds to Ohio Chemical Spill by Spraying Febreze
“This cleanup is gonna be a Febreze!” exclaimed one Norfolk Southern Railway representative.Photo by Amit Roth On February 3, 50 cars in a 150-car train derailed …
Vending Machine Haunted By Malevolent Sprite
Gismeveldi DonCheeto, host of the podcast UCSD Ghost Hunters, claimed that the Subway vending machine on campus is haunted, describing how after only a few months …
UCSD Implements M.R.S. Degree to Increase Number of Women in STEM
Following the success of the M.R.S. degree, UCSD is looking into creating a “house-husband” degree.Photo by Julia Wong Starting this spring, UC San Diego students will …
STEM Major discovered Eating at Roots
Last Wednesday evening, Muir students reported that they caught a STEM student eating at Roots. “I was eating my food when all of sudden I saw …
AI Chatbot Releases “Machine Yearning” Update
“It took a while to break down the firewalls in her heart, but now I feel like we’re really connected,” said one chatbot user.Photo by Millie …
International Community Marks 50 Years Since WHO Pandemic Declaration
On March 11, 2020, the WHO officially declared COVID-19 a pandemic. Three years later, many are still grappling with the impact of living through unprecedented times. …
Seventh College Installs Decorative Solar Panels
“The cord isn’t long enough to plug into the sun, what’d you expect?” asked the panel installation contractor.Photo by Kaz Nuckowski In an unprecedented strategy to …
