Volume 29 Issue 5

Center SpreadFeatures

Astrology – Your Whorescope

Written by: The MQ

Heads up – this feature is from our special Cosmopolitan issue. Click here to view the original PDF! (Desktop browser recommended.)


March Madness Shortens Format To Draw in Younger Audience

Written by: Farhad Taraporevala

After years of declining viewership, the NCAA announced a shift in their annual March Madness tournament in an effort to “pander to those damn kids.” “It’s …


UCSD Athletics Pivots to Rotisserie Chicken Eating

Written by: Connor Betterly

After the president of the Costco Club generated more school spirit and attendance than any sporting event in the history of UC San Diego by eating …


Railway Company Responds to Ohio Chemical Spill by Spraying Febreze

Written by: Kaz Nuckowski

“This cleanup is gonna be a Febreze!” exclaimed one Norfolk Southern Railway representative.Photo by Amit Roth On February 3, 50 cars in a 150-car train derailed …


Vending Machine Haunted By Malevolent Sprite

Written by: Sharon Roth

Gismeveldi DonCheeto, host of the podcast UCSD Ghost Hunters, claimed that the Subway vending machine on campus is haunted, describing how after only a few months …


UCSD Implements M.R.S. Degree to Increase Number of Women in STEM

Written by: Bitsy Hsu

Following the success of the M.R.S. degree, UCSD is looking into creating a “house-husband” degree.Photo by Julia Wong Starting this spring, UC San Diego students will …


STEM Major discovered Eating at Roots

Written by: Matthew Ware

Last Wednesday evening, Muir students reported that they caught a STEM student eating at Roots. “I was eating my food when all of sudden I saw …


International Community Marks 50 Years Since WHO Pandemic Declaration

Written by: Kaz Nuckowski

On March 11, 2020, the WHO officially declared COVID-19 a pandemic. Three years later, many are still grappling with the impact of living through unprecedented times. …


AI Chatbot Releases “Machine Yearning” Update

Written by: Theo Erickson

“It took a while to break down the firewalls in her heart, but now I feel like we’re really connected,” said one chatbot user.Photo by Millie …


Target Announces Ides of March Pride Collection

Written by: Katie Campbell

On March 12, Target CEO Knott Pandring announced the newest entry to the store’s Pride collection of dishware and home goods: a set of 23 knives …