Last Wednesday evening, Muir students reported that they caught a STEM student eating at Roots. “I was eating my food when all of sudden I saw a student walk in with a physics textbook,” said Studio Art major Artie Warhol. “I had to do a double take to make sure I wasn’t seeing things, but no, it really was a STEM student!”

“There’s no way that happened,” said Phil Sophie, a philosophy major. “Why would a STEM major even eat at Roots anyways? Everyone knows that only people who care about the environment or animal ethics would eat there. Does that sound like a typical STEM major to you? Obviously not.”

The STEM student was found to be physics major Dahraf Newton. ”Look, Pines was all out of tendies, and there was no way I could stomach any more food from Sixth,” Newton confessed. “And just because I ate at Roots doesn’t mean I’m suddenly ‘humanities-curious.’ But please don’t tell my mom or she’ll stop paying for my schooling.”