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Given economic turmoil, record low approval ratings, and the resignation of her Home Secretary, Lettuce Truss had no choice but to resign Friday, ending her historical tenure as Britain’s first lettuce prime minister.

In her hometown, many celebrate her achievement in attaining the nation’s highest office despite the brevity of her 44-day term. “I never expected my heady little girl would make it so far,” said her mother, Iceberg Truss, while dabbing away tears. “I voted to remain, but she’s done such a good job with the economy that I haven’t regretted that decision for even a moment. Everyone back in the garden patch is so proud.”

Most, including Truss’ critics, see her resignation as the end of an era for leafy greens everywhere. “I suspect we won’t see another lettuce PM until the 2030s,” said tabloid journalist Charles Steven Grant. “It’s a shame to see her career chopped so short, but she did destroy the pound.” It is currently unclear who will be replacing Truss at 10 Downing Street, but many suspect that an elderly white male will be elected to the post.

Distribution Lieutenant at The MQ

Kaz Nuckowski is a Copy Editor for the Muir Quarterly. They are usually found in Half Dome laughing and encouraging students to share their wit or giving their own suggestions to make everyone else laugh. Never doubt Kaz and their skills because they will surprise you, especially when the spread has a comic open and they are feeling inspired!

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