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Briefs

Critics Claim Lettuce Truss’ Political Career Is “Salad” After Resignation

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Given economic turmoil, record low approval ratings, and the resignation of her Home Secretary, Lettuce Truss had no choice but to resign Friday, ending her historical …

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Netflix to Split All of Its Content Into Smaller Channels

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“Why would I want this segmented business model when I can watch entire movies in 328 shorts on TikTok?” asked Lee.Photo by Julia Wong Netflix recently …

Briefs

Local Ghosts Tired of Recent Ghost hunter Paparazzi Boom

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Due to a surge in paranormal activity, ghost hunters have become far more popular at UCSD, looking high and low for specters who do not wish …

ArticlesLocalNews

Starbucks Announces Pumpkin Spice Pumpkins

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“Pumpkin spice pumpkins? What’s next, pumpkin spice pumpkin spice pumpkins?” wondered one customer.Photo by Amit Roth On October 1st, Starbucks announced an addition to their highly …

Briefs

Cabal Controlling Rotten Tomatoes Outed After “Black Adam” Release

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Ahead of its premiere, Black Adam received a Rotten Tomatoes score of 52%. “I remember watching Man of Steel when I was eight years old. I’ve …

ArticlesCampusNews

UCSD Dining Hall Hires Skeleton Crew

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“The new employees have been really skimpy with the portions,” shared Belmont. “The burritos are bare bones.”Photo by Julia Wong Across UCSD, dining halls have struggled …

ArticlesLocalNews

Local Man Discovers He, Too, Has Hormones

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“Men have hormones?” Misenberger asked. “That’s endo-cringe.”Photo by James Woolley A mob of angry senior citizen protesters, armed with signs reading “There are only two genders” …

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Vampire Appreciation Club Promotes Dress Code Change

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“I want you to grind really hard,” said Jerome Powell, chair of the Federal Reserve.Photo by Romella Sagatelian During UC San Diego’s first week of instruction, …

ArticlesLocalNews

Local Christians Claim Halloween as a Precursor to Christmas

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“I think I finally have my Jesus costume nailed down,” said one trick-or-treater.Photo by Farhad Taraporevala Last Sunday, a local Christian group called “Holy Spirit Halloweeners” …

Skyboxes

Volkswagen Tries to Recall Cars

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Can’t find big enough cups