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Student Fakes Her Own Death to Avoid Jury Duty
“RIP, and by that I mean rest in perjury,” said an anonymous student.Photo by Maria Dhilla After hearing the news that her roommate Ayla Burton passed …
Angry Local Politician Hates American Education System, But Not for the Same Reasons as Everyone Else
“I want you to grind really hard,” said Jerome Powell, chair of the Federal Reserve.Photo by Maria Dhilla On October 3rd, Florida state representative Glenn Miller …
President Dreám Announces Face Reveal
This past week, the newly-elected president of L’manburg announced to his constituents that he would be doing a “face reveal” following the conclusion of his campaign. …
Cells Have Feelings, Too
You are made of cells. On the most fundamental level, everything is made of cells — the plants you forget to water, the mold growing on …
Top Ten Cheap Halloween Decorations
Grape jack-o’-lantern Dirt from outside Christmas decorations with angry eyebrows drawn on An oddly-shaped trash bag that definitely does not have a body in it The …
Top Ten Uses for Your $200 Textbook
A tofu press A welcome mat A sleep aid (blunt force trauma) To recite from memory at an open mic night To cover up the comic …
Boris Johnson Reelected as U.K.’s Next Prime Minister, Resigns
Former Prime Minister Liz Truss recently resigned after causing the current economic crises facing the U.K. and prompting the value of the pound to plummet. In …
The Padres Blow It Again
Since the Chargers “abandoned” San Diego in 2017, the Padres are the only remaining major sports team in San Diego. The Padres did better than many …
