Alex Riensch-Goldstein
Local Man Makes New Year’s Resolution to Become Worse in Every Way Possible
“I won’t stop until I’ve kicked 101 dalmatians,” vowed Fleming.Photo by Sophie Pubb At the start of every year, many Americans resolve to improve themselves in …
I Think I’ll Be a Witch for Halloween This Year vs. Thou Art a Wretched Sinner, Utterly Unworthy of God’s Love
Point: I Think I’ll Be a Witch for Halloween This Year I’m not sure. I think it could be fun. I have a lot of ideas. …
Title of Khosla’s Leaked 2022 Commencement Address: “Good Luck LMAO”
“I was really worried and uncertain for my future,” began one student. “But after reading this speech, I’m reassured that I’m definitely screwed.”Photo by Maria Dhilla …
Is it Ever Okay – Beach
Is it wrong to shoot a man on the beach because the sun was in your eyes and your mother is dead?— MALIBU MERSAULT In cooking, …
Man Claims Covid-19 Created to Annoy Him Personally
“I didn’t think the deep state or my grades could sink so low,” said Klein.Photo by Maria Dhilla Jake Klein, a sophomore in Seventh College, spends most …
Hark! Welcometh Back to Mine ThouTube Channel
Hark! Welcometh back to mine ThouTube channel. Maketh sure to like, comment, and tell thy bellkeep to ring the bell in the towne square so thou …
1,000 Dead in the War on Christmas
By Xander Goldman Proud American It’s no secret that life is getting tougher for conservative, Christian, patriotic Americans like me. Still, it’s a tough pill to …
UCSD Announces “Bold, Firm” Plan to Decarbonize “by the Time the Earth is Swallowed by the Sun”
“Green energy? Sorry, I don’t see color,” claimed Khosla.Photo by Sharon Roth Following years of pressure by campus climate activists, UCSD admin declared their intention to “fully …
