Volume 28
The MQ Goes to “The Races”
You know how this goes: the horse races. The ol’ equine escapades. The mare-athon. The track and field for big dogs. The mosey for your posey. You get the gist. Everyone knows there are three great aspects of horse racing — the costume, the horses, and the homoerotic tension between you and your rival as the horses you both bet on are neck and neck around the bend…
The MQ Gets Left Alone
We were about to go on a trip with our family, when we were left home alone! And, before you ask, it’s not because we’re forgettable. …
UCSD Implements Inclusivity “Mxndate”, Enforces Binary “Mxntality”
Photo by Sharon Roth After months of anticipation and several strongly worded email from campus TERFs, UCSD is finally rolling out their “Inclusivity Mxndate.” Chancellor Khosla …
Breaking News: Animal Spotted in Local Forest
“It’s like a Pokémon… but real,” explained Buttage.Photo by Maria Dhilla Late on Thursday night, UCSD sophomore Peter Buttage noticed an unidentified animal in a eucalyptus grove …
Khosla Releases New “Crypto And Kitchen Exchange” Plan to Replace Dining Dollars
“I don’t give a shit about all this talk of legal tenders,” said Hamburg, “I just want my goddamn chicken tenders.”Photo by Jack Yang In light of …
Sun God to Be Demoted to Sun Emperor
Sun God to Be Demoted to Sun Emperor In what was described as a “shocking turn of events” by students, it was found that walking backwards …
Movie Producer Approves Movie Adaptation of Its Novelization
“If you haven’t read the book and watched the movie, you’re not going to get this one,” claimed one fan.Photo by Sharon Roth In their newest press …
Surfer Crashes After Catching Wave That Was Also a Particle
Surfer Crashes After Catching Wave That Was Also a Particle Local surfer Brad Mc- Broski reportedly suffered injuries in a surfing accident, leaving him in a …
Girls With Crystals to Reignite the Salem Witch Trials
“Tarot cards? This is a taro latte,” said one of the “witches.”Photo by Sharon Roth Self-proclaimed “witches” are over fire after burning crosses, voodoo dolls, and other …
Woman Unfortunately Not Haunted by Cool Ghost –– Just Her Past
Woman Unfortunately Not Haunted by Cool Ghost –– Just Her Past “It’s horrible, I might go insane,” claimed Daniela Rumour. “And not in the fun way …
