Jack Yang

ArticlesOpinionPoint - Counter Point

I Got You This Heart-Shaped Box for Valentine’s Day Vs. You Fool! I Need a Real Human Heart!

Written by: Jack Yang

Point: I Got You This Heart-Shaped Box for Valentine’s Day Hey Annie. Happy Valentine’s Day. I’m not great at the whole romance thing, but I wanted …

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Santa Claus Teams With Jeff Bezos, Can Finally “Watch Who’s Naughty and Who’s Nice”

Written by: Jack Yang

Due to a global resource shortage, Santa and Bezos are considering employing naughty kids in coal mines.Photo by Maria Dhilla This holiday season, former Amazon CEO Jeff …

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Welcome To: “THE META UNIVERSITY XPERIENCE”

Written by: Jack Yang

By Mark Zuckerberg Proud American Hi guys, Zuckerberg here. I’ve always said that the years we spend in college can be some of the most formative …

Briefs

Random Passerby Crowned “King of the Met Gala”

Written by: Jack Yang

Random Passerby Crowned “King of the Met Gala” Celebrities attending the Met Gala last weekend were surprised to see viewers choose random passerby Jim Hornbloom as …

Nintendo PowerOnline ExclusivesSpecial Issue

[PLAYABLE GAME] Admiring Art: Love on Library Walk

Written by: Jack Yang

Come Try Your Luck at Nintendo’s Newest, UCSD-themed Dating Sim created by our very own Jack Yang! Click here to learn more!

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Aged RPG Protagonist Still Hoarding Potions for “Final Boss Battle”

Written by: Jack Yang

Alex Alteria, the legendary heroine of Etheria, celebrated her 89th birthday last week, sitting…

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Dr. Fauci Equips Arm-Mounted Syringe Cannon, Intends to Distribute Vaccines “Whether Americans Like It or Not”

Written by: Jack Yang

An eyewitness was heard saying, “I’ve never vac-seen a sexier person.”Photo by Jack Yang Last Thursday in Bethesda, Maryland, during the quiet hours before the morning traffic …

Briefs

The Elusive “Jack” Referred to by Joe Biden Finally Breaks His Silence

Written by: Jack Yang

The Elusive “Jack” Referred to by Joe Biden Finally Breaks His Silence According to the latest reports from the CIA, the ubiquitous “Jack” commonly referred to …

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Coastal Ecosystem Devastated After Gender-Reveal Oil Spill

Written by: Jack Yang

BP has recently defended the Deepwater Horizon spill, calling it “ahead of its time.”Photo by Jack Yang Several miles of coastal wetland in the San Diego area …

Briefs

Automobile Manufacturers Team Up To Make “Car Power Plants”

Written by: Jack Yang

Automobile Manufacturers Team Up To Make “Car Power Plants” Following Governor Gavin Newsom’s proposed 2035 ban on the sale of gas-powered cars in California, several automobile …