Written by: Jack Yang

Random Passerby Crowned “King of the Met Gala”

Celebrities attending the Met Gala last weekend were surprised to see viewers choose random passerby Jim Hornbloom as the unofficial King of the Met Gala. Hornbloom, who had taken a wrong turn on the way to pick up his dry cleaning, was soon approached by critics who praised the “all-encompassing stylistic vision” of his fashion for encapsulating the gala’s theme, “Americana.”

According to critic George Lions, Hornbloom was on point: “The taupe cargo shorts, symbolic of a nation that carries, a country of movers and shakers … A Morrissey Tshirt, walking the perfect line between racism and beauty … And look at the Carhartt beanie, clearly evocative of the American tradition of rock and roll: countercultural, immune to the icy blasts of skepticism… I have no words. A true American inspiration.”

When asked how it felt to turn celebrity heads, Hornbloom seemed more anxious than flattered. “Look, I don’t know what’s going on here. I was supposed to pick up my cousin Danny’s blazer three hours ago. If you could be a dear and direct me to Lo Chieu’s 24-Hour Dry Cleaning, I would appreciate it.”

Hornbloom was later found battling waves of rabid critics, wielding Timothée Chalamet as an improvised sword.

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