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Briefs

Random Passerby Crowned “King of the Met Gala”

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Random Passerby Crowned “King of the Met Gala” Celebrities attending the Met Gala last weekend were surprised to see viewers choose random passerby Jim Hornbloom as …

ArticlesNewsTech

Fraudulent Blacksmith Forges Sword

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“It looks great in my hand but it sucks during warfare,” claimed Jean Dark. “Kind of a double-edged sword.”Photo by Sharon Roth The workshop of Trevor McLintosh …

ArticlesCampusLocalNews

La Jolla Family Rents Out Doghouse to UCSD Student Amidst Housing Crisis

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“I like having the extra money,” said Mrs. MacInson. “But I no longer have a place to send my husband to when he messes around with …

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Ben Platt Reveals His Secret to Staying Young

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“Up next, I’m auditioning for the role of Annie,” said Ben Platt.Photo by Sharon Roth Actor Benjamin Plattypus, more commonly known as Ben Platt, has recently been …

Briefs

Clown Costumes Moved to Sexy Section of Spirit Halloween

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Clown Costumes Moved to Sexy Section of Spirit Halloween Sales of clown costumes were up last Halloween, but not for the reason one would expect. With …

Sunday Comics

Neck to see you -_-

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By Jerry Wu

ArticlesCampusNews

UC Regents Evacuates UCSD, Raccoon Insurgency Rises to Power

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“One man’s trash is another man’s missile defense system,” said Drake.Photo by Sharon Roth Uncertainty and fear struck the hearts of the UCSD community as UC Regents …

Briefs

Nintendo Accidentally Sues Itself After Remaking its Own Game

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Nintendo Accidentally Sues Itself After Remaking its Own Game Nintendo’s legal department recently announced that they will be pressing charges against the creators of “Donkey Kong …

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Online Proxy Warrior Stuck in Infinite Loop

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“This guy is a moron,” said Pheer, responding to his own tweet.Photo by Yuri Bukhradze Kyle Pheer, an online proxy warrior, is reportedly stuck in an infinite …

Features

Susan Bagel

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Every Sunday evening, I made my beautiful family a scrumptious, rich lasagna. My husband, who slogged through hours of unpaid overtime late into the night with …