Andrew Sitko

Andrew Sitko was recently arrested by the comedy police and charged for Possession of Killer Jokes. This is their second offense following a Grand Larceny charge from January 27th, 2003.

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Study Finds New Sixth College Students Don’t Know How Good They Have It

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One spectator commented, “Wow, this feels like the third installment in a trilogy. I wonder if I could go onto TheMQ.org and find the prequels.”Photo by …

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“Zoboomafoo” Reboot Casts Jerma as Iconic Lemur

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“Zoboomafoo” Reboot Casts Jerma as Iconic Lemur The children’s classic Zoboomafoo by the Kratt brothers will be rebooted after its original reboot was canceled due to …

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The Card Readers on Vending Machines Eroded My Trust in Our System

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It’s 2003, and you’re sitting in the lounge of an office building that looks as if the ’90s was swallowed, trapped, and then died here. Your …

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Around the World with Cristopher Gardner: Cajun Cuisine

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Once again, I have been sent to travel to find the most peculiar foods and rate them for the post. This mission has led me to …

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Local Gamer Tragically Latches on to Cool Character in Elden Ring

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“I don’t know why my friends are so worried about him getting kilned. He is a pot,” Cano noted.Photo by Sharon Roth Lilith Cano, a 23-year-old …

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Bean Bag Shipments to Russia Halted in Support of Ukraine

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Following the Russian Army’s full-scale invasion of Ukraine, Mr. Charles Dawkins, CEO of the furniture company Crockery Farm, has announced that bean bag chairs will no …

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Paramount Halo TV Show to Include Intern OCs

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Paramount Halo TV Show to Include Intern OCS The first trailer for the Halo Paramount TV series released on January 29th to fans across the globe …

EditorialOpinion

I Only Make the Class Discords Because Everyone Else Has a God Complex and That’s Why You Should Thank Me

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By J. H. SavyeurShepard of the Flock Have you ever been in a lecture and you see that Discord link plunged into chat in the first …

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Wastewater Detection Systems Find Baby in Sewers After 2018 Masturbation-in-Shower Epidemic

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“You think I’m gonna support these children?” asked Khosla, “I don’t even support these students.”Photo by Jack Yang On November 17th at 5:36 p.m., UCSD Wastewater Detection’s …

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Struggling Grocery Chain Adds Battle Pass to Generate Revenue

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Struggling Grocery Chain Adds Battle Pass to Generate Revenue Big Jim’s Local Grocery has been hit hard by the pandemic, and struggled to pick itself up …