Andrew Sitko

Andrew Sitko was recently arrested by the comedy police and charged for Possession of Killer Jokes. This is their second offense following a Grand Larceny charge from January 27th, 2003.

Briefs

Anti-defamation League Champions New Era of Kindness

Written by: Andrew Sitko

Anti-defamation League Champions New Era of Kindness On October 21st, President Biden unknowingly flashed a white supremacist hand symbol while he was at a Town Hall …

ArticlesNewsTech

Online Proxy Warrior Stuck in Infinite Loop

Written by: Andrew Sitko

“This guy is a moron,” said Pheer, responding to his own tweet.Photo by Yuri Bukhradze Kyle Pheer, an online proxy warrior, is reportedly stuck in an infinite …

ArticlesLocalNews

Agricultural Revolution Erupts from Horse Dewormer Shortage

Written by: Andrew Sitko

“We are not horsing around,” claimed Susie McCue’s neighbor.Photo by Maria Dhilla Ivermectin and other horse-related medications have long been out of stock following claims made by …

Briefs

Pro Unreal Tournament Player Reflects on 9/11

Written by: Andrew Sitko

Pro Unreal Tournament Player Reflects on 9/11 Jerry Stern, former professional player of the Unreal Tournament titles, has reflected on the events that took place during …

ArticlesEditorialOpinion

I Got the COVID-19 Vaccine and It Destroyed My Work- Out Drive

Written by: Andrew Sitko

By H. I. Tee Local Workout “Enthusiast” The COVID-19 pandemic is a real event, and it has affected many people in my community. I do not …

Briefs

Local Student Is on Edge of Being on Edge

Written by: Andrew Sitko

Local Student Is on Edge of Being on Edge Bingus Bunggus has reported staring at the desktop of their computer for three days as their encroaching …

ArticlesNewsNintendo PowerSpecial IssueSystem Update: The State of Gaming

Check Out Advanced Breeding Techniques in Pokemon Emerald!

Written by: Andrew Sitko

In Pokémon Emerald, there are many things a young 10 year-old trainer can do! While battling pokémon is the main event…

ArticlesNewsNewtendo: Bite into These CartridgesNintendo PowerSpecial Issue

What Faction Will You Choose in Halo 2?

Written by: Andrew Sitko

In the next installment of the hit game Halo comes Halo 2, now with more characters! We all know who Master Chief is, but do you know…

BriefsNintendo PowerPlayer's PulseSpecial Issue

Why is Rosalina so tall?

Written by: Andrew Sitko

Why is Rosalina so tall? Rosalina is not tall, Mario is simply a short, weak man. Mario’s weak and miniscule height is his penance for being …

Briefs

Brave Senator Thwarts Human Rights Measure

Written by: Andrew Sitko

Brave Senator Thwarts Human Rights Measure On March 5, when counting a vote on whether or not to increase the federal minimum wage to 15 dollars …