Online Proxy Warrior Stuck in Infinite Loop

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“This guy is a moron,” said Pheer, responding to his own tweet.
Photo by Yuri Bukhradze

Kyle Pheer, an online proxy warrior, is reportedly stuck in an infinite loop of deception and treachery. Between 4Chan, Reddit and Twitter, he has created alternate accounts with rich inner lives, who then battle each other in a comment cage match and create fake bait posts from their respective alternate accounts.

“Online proxy wars have become the mainstream arena for a select caste of specially-trained internet warriors, whose main goal is to push agendas through their adversaries’ spaces,” claimed Pheer. “Only I’m adding more layers to make it even more obscure and inaccessible. I am both the adversary and the adversary’s adversary. This way, I can make everyone look bad.”

“My current account is actually just about to be harvested,” Pheer said. “I don’t post on newly created accounts, that’s some cuck /k shit. After the account cooks for six months, I jump on one of my popular meme accounts to blow it up and draw attention. On this account, I’m @CutePumpkinCat: a trans lesbian who has gone through multiple hardships, who advocates for pedophiles to be added to the LGBT umbrella in their own space. ”

Phantagasm, one of Pheer’s online associates, writes: “The thing about Pheer is that he isn’t a real person. Kyle Pheer is just an openface alternate account of a person that died long ago. For all I know, the guy could be an evil toaster AI gone haywire. If you’re looking for a violent internet instigator, Pheer’s your gold standard.”

Phantagasm continued: “I’m just glad he’s on our side. I can’t even tell who’s real in his replies anymore. For all we know, everyone on that thread could be real, or all fake. Kyle sets up fights and battles them out himself. There’s no winners: just endless cycles and more idiots drawn to the bad takes like moths to a flame.

“This profile is clearly a fake, even if its a good one,” replied Antonio Rojas, a prominent centrist fact checker who is also one of Pheer’s alternate accounts. This triggered @Dogluvr48 to respond: “Men in positions of power shut down women and marginalized communities so we can’t pass legislation to protect trans women. No wonder people are so hateful against peaceful zoophiles, they hate the LGBTQ+.” This sparked the response of @fascismdieshere, “You are NOT part of the LGBTQ+, if I knew where you lived, you dog fucker, I would bash your head in, just like those pig cops that I killed during the riots.”

“He might be the only one still fighting in that thread. I mean you can never tell, they’re all degenerates to me. But I think the guy’s stuck. He’s in his own little battlefield, setting himself up and knocking himself down. I don’t give a shit about the other proxy warriors and they don’t give a shit about me, but it’s going to be hard to scare people into hatred without his arsenal,” said Phantagasm. As the Twitter algorithm finds new trending posts, Pheer proxies are being pushed into the shadows, but the fighting continues.

“We got a new incentive from a certain group who may work for some senators that could turn the 2024 election, so it looks like we’ll be leaving Pheer behind. I don’t care what happens to him.He’s probably going to go crazy, or die from eye cancer, but maybe he’ll stick on long enough for one of his alternate account’s children to get really into My Little Pony and he’ll fix himself and grow up. Who knows?” As Phantagasm logged off, another presumed alt of Pheer fired off: “People like you are why the age minimum for capital punishment should be 14, off yourself.”

Managing Editor at The MQ

Andrew Sitko was recently arrested by the comedy police and charged for Possession of Killer Jokes. This is their second offense following a Grand Larceny charge from January 27th, 2003.

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