Volume 28
Geisel Renovation to Include New Crying Booths in Response to Rising Mental Health Concerns
Pitt said, “This whole time, I thought CBT stood for Cognitive Behavioral Therapy. Now I know it stands for Crying Booth Treatment.”Photo by Julia Wong Throughout …
Study Finds New Sixth College Students Don’t Know How Good They Have It
One spectator commented, “Wow, this feels like the third installment in a trilogy. I wonder if I could go onto TheMQ.org and find the prequels.”Photo by …
UCSD Cracks Down on Students Squatting in Unfinished Eighth College
“The swaying of the building in the night wind rocks right me to sleep,” Snak commented.Photo by Julia Wong For many universities across America, the end …
Sunny G Found Wearing CAPEs
“I’m beginning to suspect that Sunny G might be Sun God,” one student said.Photo by Julia Wong Earlier this week on Sun God lawn, Sunny G …
The U.S. to Start Broadcasting All Court Proceedings Following Popularity of Heard-Depp Trial
One attorney concluded, “I rest my case, just like I rest on this MyPillow.”Photo by Maria Dhilla Last Tuesday, the White House announced a new executive …
Jeff Bezos Releases Best-selling Novel, “If You Give a Minimum Wage Worker Respect”
Bezos is slated to release a sequel next year, titled If You Give Your Wife Respect.Photo by James Woolley Last Wednesday, former Amazon CEO Jeff Bezos …
Susan Bagel: Meringue
I hate goodbyes. I hate letting go. It’s not in my nature to give up, but I can’t be strong all the time. I buried my …
Student Accidentally Brings All the Sand From the Beach Home With Them
After being investigated for sand theft, De Brie said, “There’s nothing more I can do — my hands are tide.”Photo by Sharon Roth Student Roxanne De …
Top Ten Things You Are Probably Doing That Make You a Horrible Person
Microwaving your food Making any sort of noise in a public place Taking the second-to-last cookie, initiating the final cookie standoff Exhaling carbon dioxide and contributing …
You Can Enjoy Your Summer and Relax Vs. No You Can’t, You Have 1000 Things to Do and You Need to Finish Them by Tomorrow
Point: You Can Enjoy Your Summer and Relax The weather in San Diego sure is nice. Almost as nice as delicious orange-flavored, from-concentrate Sunny D. A …
