November 1, 2023 Read it and weep profusely. Volume XXX Issue II

Volume 28

ArticlesCampusNews

Geisel Renovation to Include New Crying Booths in Response to Rising Mental Health Concerns

Written by: Karina Yu

Pitt said, “This whole time, I thought CBT stood for Cognitive Behavioral Therapy. Now I know it stands for Crying Booth Treatment.”Photo by Julia Wong Throughout …

ArticlesCampusNews

Study Finds New Sixth College Students Don’t Know How Good They Have It

Written by: Andrew Sitko

One spectator commented, “Wow, this feels like the third installment in a trilogy. I wonder if I could go onto TheMQ.org and find the prequels.”Photo by …

ArticlesCampusNews

UCSD Cracks Down on Students Squatting in Unfinished Eighth College

Written by: Millie You

“The swaying of the building in the night wind rocks right me to sleep,” Snak commented.Photo by Julia Wong For many universities across America, the end …

ArticlesCampusNews

Sunny G Found Wearing CAPEs

Written by: Connor Betterly

“I’m beginning to suspect that Sunny G might be Sun God,” one student said.Photo by Julia Wong Earlier this week on Sun God lawn, Sunny G …

ArticlesNewsPolitics

The U.S. to Start Broadcasting All Court Proceedings Following Popularity of Heard-Depp Trial

Written by: Jacob King

One attorney concluded, “I rest my case, just like I rest on this MyPillow.”Photo by Maria Dhilla Last Tuesday, the White House announced a new executive …

ArticlesCampusNews

Title of Khosla’s Leaked 2022 Commencement Address: “Good Luck LMAO”

Written by: Alex Riensch-Goldstein

“I was really worried and uncertain for my future,” began one student. “But after reading this speech, I’m reassured that I’m definitely screwed.”Photo by Maria Dhilla …

Top 10

Top Ten Things That Aren’t Getting Enough Attention Right Now

Written by: The MQ

The clitoris Our LinkedIn profile The nearest exit, which might be behind you The fact that we’ve had two presidents named George Bush This great new …

ArticlesEditorialOpinion

It’s Not Easy Being White

Written by: The MQ

Every day I hear people saying things like, “white isn’t a color,” “white is just the absence of color,” “you can’t even see white, you just …

Sunday Comics

The Pride Flag

Written by: Theo Erickson

The Pride Flag By Theo Erickson

Top 10

Top Ten New Ways to Generate Clean Energy

Written by: The MQ

Top Ten New Ways to Generate Clean Energy Capturing good vibes Plugging a power strip into itself Surrounding the moon with a Dyson sphere Picking up …