Jerry Wu

Always the life of the party and a constant source of timely commentary and TikToks, Jerry is surely one to know in the MQ. He was recently made web editor last year and has done a great job since then revamping and updating our web presence as an org. If you’re ever bored or find yourself chilling in the MQ office, make sure to take a gander at the walls a play a little game of “Where’s Jerry?” Hint: winner gets to drive the boat

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Count Ejacula Confirms New Line of Male-Enhancing Drugs

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Coming to your preferred pornographic platform soon, Count Ejacula’s newest series of male enhancement drugs, including the infamous “VampiraMax Ultra Plus,” promises to “turn your droopy …

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Ancestors Hear my plea

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Sunday Comics

Neck to see you -_-

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By Jerry Wu

ArticlesCampusNews

“Pomp and Circumcision” To Be Played at UCSD Graduation Following Chancellor’s “Head Tax” Announcement

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“What happens if you’re double majoring?” asked a concerned student.Photo by Jack Yang Faced with the mounting pushback against raising tuition, Chancellor Khosla has decided to temporarily …

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UCSD Student Discovers Great Tits, Ornithologists Baffled

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Buns hid his woodpecker at the sight of Great Tits.Photo by Sharon Roth Passing by a group of female students on his way to throw out the …

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New Skin Cream Reveals Secret: Free-Range, Organically Produced Horse Semen

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Maybe she’s born with it, maybe it’s Neighbelline.Photo by Maria Dhilla Coming to pharmacies near you is an anti-acne cream that claims to have an unprecedented efficacy …

Briefs

Leaked Republican Plan Aims to “Drown the Liberal Coasts”

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Leaked Republican Plan Aims to “Drown the Liberal Coasts” An anonymous source has recently revealed that a leaked Republican document detailed plans to accelerate global warming …

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Local Pastor Promotes Foot Fetish to Combat Premarital Sex

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“Remember to leave a little space for Jesus. And socks. It’s sexier with the socks on anyways,” said Pastor Frietche.Photo by Jack Yang This past Thursday, passing …