Jerry Wu

Always the life of the party and a constant source of timely commentary and TikToks, Jerry is surely one to know in the MQ. He was recently made web editor last year and has done a great job since then revamping and updating our web presence as an org. If you’re ever bored or find yourself chilling in the MQ office, make sure to take a gander at the walls a play a little game of “Where’s Jerry?” Hint: winner gets to drive the boat


Mattel Releases New Barbie,Makes Life in Plastic “Truly Fantastic”

Written by: Jerry Wu

“Mommy, I said I wanted a Cabbage Patch doll, not a garbage patch doll,” said one customer’s daughter.Photo by Amit Roth Mattel, Inc. has released a …


Plant Speech Decoded, Scientists Heard “More than They Came for”

Written by: Jerry Wu

A breakthrough study has discovered that there is more to plant life than germination and propagation. Lead scientist William Seed found that acoustically isolated plants periodically …

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Written by: Kaz Nuckowski, Olivia Scarborough, Isabelle Mckelvey, Jerry Wu and Farhad Taraporevala

Heads up – this feature is from our special Cosmopolitan issue. As such, it may not come across as it was originally meant to in print. …

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Count Ejacula Confirms New Line of Male-Enhancing Drugs

Written by: Jerry Wu

Coming to your preferred pornographic platform soon, Count Ejacula’s newest series of male enhancement drugs, including the infamous “VampiraMax Ultra Plus,” promises to “turn your droopy …

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Ancestors Hear my plea

Written by: Jerry Wu

Sunday Comics

Neck to see you -_-

Written by: Jerry Wu

By Jerry Wu


“Pomp and Circumcision” To Be Played at UCSD Graduation Following Chancellor’s “Head Tax” Announcement

Written by: Jerry Wu

“What happens if you’re double majoring?” asked a concerned student.Photo by Jack Yang Faced with the mounting pushback against raising tuition, Chancellor Khosla has decided to temporarily …


UCSD Student Discovers Great Tits, Ornithologists Baffled

Written by: Jerry Wu

Buns hid his woodpecker at the sight of Great Tits.Photo by Sharon Roth Passing by a group of female students on his way to throw out the …


New Skin Cream Reveals Secret: Free-Range, Organically Produced Horse Semen

Written by: Jerry Wu

Maybe she’s born with it, maybe it’s Neighbelline.Photo by Maria Dhilla Coming to pharmacies near you is an anti-acne cream that claims to have an unprecedented efficacy …


Leaked Republican Plan Aims to “Drown the Liberal Coasts”

Written by: Jerry Wu

Leaked Republican Plan Aims to “Drown the Liberal Coasts” An anonymous source has recently revealed that a leaked Republican document detailed plans to accelerate global warming …