Isabelle Mckelvey
Student Debt Relief to Be Distributed via Ticketmaster Verified Fan Presale
“2,000th in line? I know this pain all too well!” stated one fan.Photo by Amit Roth Last week, the U.S. Department of Education revealed that student …
Man Who Has “Never Had COVID” Discovers Devastating News About His “Allergy Flare-up”
“I finally figured out why none of his COVID tests came back positive. He takes the test tube liquid like a shot,” said Alex.Photo by James …
AI-Generated Images to Replace All Art Ever by 2024
“If I had to describe the type of art I’m making, I would say I’m in my RGB period,” said Hugh Mann.Photo by Julia Wong Last …
Is it Ever Okay – Manslaughter
What are the best snacks to bring to my child’s third-degree vehicular manslaughter court date?— HOMICIDAL HANK Whatever it is that you bring, make sure that …
Student Studying Abroad in the Netherlands Accidentally Sent to the Nether
“You know, this isn’t the type of blaze I was expecting,” said Hero, dodging fireballs.Photo by Connor Betterly Before the events of last Tuesday, UCSD student …
Price Center’s TapEx Is Tired of Being Confused for Tampax –– Considers Rename
Price Center’s TapEx Is Tired of Being Confused for Tampax –– Considers Rename Tapioca Express, the only boba shop on campus for decades, has recently mostly …
Ben Platt Reveals His Secret to Staying Young
“Up next, I’m auditioning for the role of Annie,” said Ben Platt.Photo by Sharon Roth Actor Benjamin Plattypus, more commonly known as Ben Platt, has recently been …
Nintendo Replaces Mario Karts with Electric Vehicles to Reduce Carbon Footprint
Photo by Sharon Roth Facing increasing climate change effects, the public has been placing pressure on large corporations to significantly reduce their greenhouse gas emissions. The largest …
Cooking Mama Owes Me Sex
I normally discourage the presence of female protagonists in video games because I believe they are not as strong nor as cool as men…
Vending Machine Mixup Has COVID Tests Replaced With Dildos
“Ask not what your university can dildo for you, ask what you can dildo to yourself,” posed Sterbater.Photo by Jack Yang Chaos erupted last Monday evening at …
