“You know, this isn’t the type of blaze I was expecting,” said Hero, dodging fireballs.
Photo by Connor Betterly
Before the events of last Tuesday, UCSD student Brian Hero, a self-proclaimed “typical American student,” believed he was going to be studying abroad in Amsterdam. But to his surprise, when his plane landed, Brian was actually in the Nether.
“It was a tiny bit of a mistake on our end,” said Transportation Services associate Mason Shepherd. With regard to the Netherlands-Nether mix-up, Shepherd stated, “To be totally honest, when we ordered the plane tickets, it had been a long day and we didn’t look closely enough at the letters. They were so blocky –– it was an honest mistake! And we also may have been bribed by a villager with a sword and a very threatening aura.”
Hero admitted, “Looking back at it now, there were several red flags I missed. Like, they made me pay my study abroad tuition in golden nuggets. And halfway through the plane ride, everything became distorted and tinted purple. But it only hit me that I was in the Nether when we landed and I heard the strangely sensual moans of a ghast. But my first thought wasn’t that there was anything bad happening, because again, you know, sensual moans.”
At the beginning of the trip, Hero “loved the study abroad experience.” He experimented with popular Minecraft activities, claiming, “I swam in lava after drinking a fire-resistance potion, tamed a cat only to accidentally kill it, and made hundreds of villager torture chambers!” While Hero reportedly “loved” all these activities, he was particularly obsessed with crafting all colors of beds. To his disappointment, however, he could never actually place any of these beds down.
After a few weeks in the Nether, Hero noticed some unusual changes. “One morning, I realized that I had lost all ten fingers and toes and instead formed square nubs. My backpack grew incredibly large, large enough to fit approximately 36 beds of all different wool colors. Weirdest of all, I’ve lost all ability to speak, except for the word ‘oof.’ I’m technically not talking right now –– and I’m afraid if I begin to question how I’m being understood, the magic will wear off and I’ll oof oof oof oof oof.”
Hero’s family contacted him and his study abroad leader, Steve, out of concern for their son. Steve was able to put his parents in contact with an Oof translator so Brian could speak to his parents. To the parents’ dismay, the only message able to be understood was, “I don’t want to come home, Mom, I love it here. I’ve found a passion for crafting beds, and I’m in love with a piglin. She’s thick as Hell.”
Brian’s phone call with his parents went viral, and suddenly, all sorts of tourists, bed-enthusiasts, and people who desired their own “sexy pig girl” expressed their interest in traveling to the Nether, too.
Ironically, many of these travelers fell prey to the same miscommunication that befell Hero. Shepherd said, “Well, when we saw all of these requests to go to the Nether, we figured we’d learn from our mistake. Instead of tickets to the Nether, we gave them tickets to the real Netherlands. I guess all these weirdo American gamers are now walking around Europe, asking where all the sexy pigs are and where they can fight a fire monster for a golden stick. It’s unbelievable. In any case, I’ve put in my two weeks’ notice.”