Cutting-Edge Computer Virus Sweeps Through Campus

Written by: Farhad Taraporevala

“This would be a beautiful sight if my essay wasn’t on that computer,” one student commented.Photo By Maria Dhilla On Thursday afternoon, the cybersecurity office at …


Local Flint Shortage Sparks Absolutely Nothing

Written by: George Nassar

“I was having a real tough time figuring out what to do without any flint,” said Susan Graves, “and then it struck me.”Photo By Julia Wong …


Joe Rogan Defends Controversial Interview with the Devil

Written by: Jacob King

After hearing a comment from Satan, Joe Rogan said, “Hey Jamie, can you pull a clip up of that guy burning in Hell?”Photo by Julia Wong …


Student with 300 Tabs Open Wonders Why Computer Is Slow

Written by: Aniela Drumonde

“It’s a little stuffy in here,” Milieu noted. “Let me open up a new window.”Photo by Maria Dhilla Fourth-year Ava Milieu has recently faced intense public …

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The MQ Plans a Spring Break Trip

Written by: The MQ

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The MQ Plans Their Day

Written by: The MQ


April Fool! This Student Has Been Trying to Nurse a Dead Plant Back to Life for the Past Three Months

Written by: Theo Erickson

“It’s just hibernating,” insisted Nohope.Photo by Sharon Roth On March 3, second-year student Theresa Nohope realized her aloe plant had been dead for the last three …

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Top Ten Candle Scents

Written by: The MQ

Top Ten Candle Scents Teen spirit Burnt toast Freshly cut gas line Your fifth-grade classroom The weird ice in the back of the freezer that your …


Susan Bagel: Cheesecake

Written by: Sharon Roth and Aniela Drumonde

It was a good day today — at least, it seemed so at first. My afternoon was free, so I decided to do a little self-care. …


Philosophy Student Mistakes Thought for Mind-Blowing Epiphany

Written by: Sharon Roth

Michael of Temecula recently took his Minions out to dinner, only to complain, “This is the last supper! You guys cost way too much money.”Photo By …