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10. Four sticks of unsalted butter
9. An aged Post-it note showing our one password
8. A positive pregnancy test
7. An umbrella — we’re saving it for a rainy day
6. The dried corpse of the turtle our dad said “ran away” seven years ago
5. Loose chemicals known to the State of California to cause cancer, birth defects, or other reproductive harm
4. Receipt for the gum we bought eight years ago in case we want to return it
3. That paper we got an A on in fifth grade
2. A do-not-resuscitate order
1. Enough strawberries to kill a man

The MQ is the premier satire magazine at UC San Diego

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