Volume 28 Issue 5


Cutting-Edge Computer Virus Sweeps Through Campus

Written by: Farhad Taraporevala

“This would be a beautiful sight if my essay wasn’t on that computer,” one student commented.Photo By Maria Dhilla On Thursday afternoon, the cybersecurity office at …


Local Flint Shortage Sparks Absolutely Nothing

Written by: George Nassar

“I was having a real tough time figuring out what to do without any flint,” said Susan Graves, “and then it struck me.”Photo By Julia Wong …


Joe Rogan Defends Controversial Interview with the Devil

Written by: Jacob King

After hearing a comment from Satan, Joe Rogan said, “Hey Jamie, can you pull a clip up of that guy burning in Hell?”Photo by Julia Wong …


Student with 300 Tabs Open Wonders Why Computer Is Slow

Written by: Aniela Drumonde

“It’s a little stuffy in here,” Milieu noted. “Let me open up a new window.”Photo by Maria Dhilla Fourth-year Ava Milieu has recently faced intense public …

Center SpreadFeatures

The MQ Plans a Spring Break Trip

Written by: The MQ

Back PageFeatures

The MQ Plans Their Day

Written by: The MQ


April Fool! This Student Has Been Trying to Nurse a Dead Plant Back to Life for the Past Three Months

Written by: Theo Erickson

“It’s just hibernating,” insisted Nohope.Photo by Sharon Roth On March 3, second-year student Theresa Nohope realized her aloe plant had been dead for the last three …


Student Finds Four-Leaf Clover on Sun God Lawn, Wins Zoom Meeting With Leprechaun

Written by: Madeline Mozafari

“Ten more minutes and I’m lepre-GONE,” grumbled the leprechaun.Photo By Julia Wong Earlier this week, third-year UCSD student Stacey Greene was taking a break from her …


No, I Won’t Close My Tabs, They All Have Really Important Stuff on Them

Written by: Pranav Reddy

You will never get me to close my tabs. Every single one of them has vitally important content. What if I need to reference the WikiHow …

ArticlesOpinionPoint - Counter Point

Posers Are Horrible and Ruin the Scene for Everybody Vs. I Am Having So Much Fun and Everyone Likes Me!

Written by: Robin Brewin

Point: Posers Are Horrible and Ruin the Scene for Everybody Everybody knows there’s nothing worse than a pretentious little braggart that thinks they know what they’re …