Volume 28 Issue 5
Cutting-Edge Computer Virus Sweeps Through Campus
“This would be a beautiful sight if my essay wasn’t on that computer,” one student commented.Photo By Maria Dhilla On Thursday afternoon, the cybersecurity office at …
Local Flint Shortage Sparks Absolutely Nothing
“I was having a real tough time figuring out what to do without any flint,” said Susan Graves, “and then it struck me.”Photo By Julia Wong …
Joe Rogan Defends Controversial Interview with the Devil
After hearing a comment from Satan, Joe Rogan said, “Hey Jamie, can you pull a clip up of that guy burning in Hell?”Photo by Julia Wong …
Student with 300 Tabs Open Wonders Why Computer Is Slow
“It’s a little stuffy in here,” Milieu noted. “Let me open up a new window.”Photo by Maria Dhilla Fourth-year Ava Milieu has recently faced intense public …
April Fool! This Student Has Been Trying to Nurse a Dead Plant Back to Life for the Past Three Months
“It’s just hibernating,” insisted Nohope.Photo by Sharon Roth On March 3, second-year student Theresa Nohope realized her aloe plant had been dead for the last three …
The End is Near! vs No, It’s Just Acid Reflux.
Point: The End is Near! Doctor! O Doctor! Heed my call, for I fear the end is near! On the ninety-second day of this annus horribilis …
Yes, I Am, in Fact, God.
Hello mortals, it’s Me: your God. My name was once Ronald Jameson and I was a student like yourself. Unlike yourself, however, I was a highly-gifted …
Top Ten Things We Keep in the Junk Drawer “Just in Case”
10. Four sticks of unsalted butter9. An aged Post-it note showing our one password8. A positive pregnancy test7. An umbrella — we’re saving it for a …
