Volume 28 Issue 5


Cutting-Edge Computer Virus Sweeps Through Campus

Written by: Farhad Taraporevala

“This would be a beautiful sight if my essay wasn’t on that computer,” one student commented.Photo By Maria Dhilla On Thursday afternoon, the cybersecurity office at …


Local Flint Shortage Sparks Absolutely Nothing

Written by: George Nassar

“I was having a real tough time figuring out what to do without any flint,” said Susan Graves, “and then it struck me.”Photo By Julia Wong …


Joe Rogan Defends Controversial Interview with the Devil

Written by: Jacob King

After hearing a comment from Satan, Joe Rogan said, “Hey Jamie, can you pull a clip up of that guy burning in Hell?”Photo by Julia Wong …


Student with 300 Tabs Open Wonders Why Computer Is Slow

Written by: Aniela Drumonde

“It’s a little stuffy in here,” Milieu noted. “Let me open up a new window.”Photo by Maria Dhilla Fourth-year Ava Milieu has recently faced intense public …

Center SpreadFeatures

The MQ Plans a Spring Break Trip

Written by: The MQ

Back PageFeatures

The MQ Plans Their Day

Written by: The MQ


April Fool! This Student Has Been Trying to Nurse a Dead Plant Back to Life for the Past Three Months

Written by: Theo Erickson

“It’s just hibernating,” insisted Nohope.Photo by Sharon Roth On March 3, second-year student Theresa Nohope realized her aloe plant had been dead for the last three …


White People Can Handle Spicy Food and You’re Going to Watch Me Prove It

Written by: Taggert Smith

Hey guys! Welcome back to another challenge video. Now, you may have heard the misconception that White people can’t handle spicy foods, so we here at …


Local Journalist Slammed for Using Snow Cones Instead of Snowclones

Written by: Maria Dhilla

San Diego journalist Canderson Hooper has come under fire for bringing snow cones to work instead of writing “mindless drivel” through using snowclones. His boss, Calter …

Sunday Comics

Crypt o’ Currency

Written by: Kaz Nuckowski

Crypt o’ Currency By Kaz Nuckowski