Volume 28 Issue 5

ArticlesCampusNewsTech

Cutting-Edge Computer Virus Sweeps Through Campus

Written by: Farhad Taraporevala

“This would be a beautiful sight if my essay wasn’t on that computer,” one student commented.Photo By Maria Dhilla On Thursday afternoon, the cybersecurity office at …

ArticlesLocalNews

Local Flint Shortage Sparks Absolutely Nothing

Written by: George Nassar

“I was having a real tough time figuring out what to do without any flint,” said Susan Graves, “and then it struck me.”Photo By Julia Wong …

ArticlesNewsPolitics

Joe Rogan Defends Controversial Interview with the Devil

Written by: Jacob King

After hearing a comment from Satan, Joe Rogan said, “Hey Jamie, can you pull a clip up of that guy burning in Hell?”Photo by Julia Wong …

ArticlesCampusNews

Student with 300 Tabs Open Wonders Why Computer Is Slow

Written by: Aniela Drumonde

“It’s a little stuffy in here,” Milieu noted. “Let me open up a new window.”Photo by Maria Dhilla Fourth-year Ava Milieu has recently faced intense public …

Center SpreadFeatures

The MQ Plans a Spring Break Trip

Written by: The MQ

Back PageFeatures

The MQ Plans Their Day

Written by: The MQ

ArticlesCampusNews

April Fool! This Student Has Been Trying to Nurse a Dead Plant Back to Life for the Past Three Months

Written by: Theo Erickson

“It’s just hibernating,” insisted Nohope.Photo by Sharon Roth On March 3, second-year student Theresa Nohope realized her aloe plant had been dead for the last three …

Features

The Crossword

Written by: The MQ

The Crossword SOLUTION Across 1: Fancy seafood order, aphrodisiac 11: What your Southern friend says is that blinking thing in the sky 15: Not me 16: …

Briefs

Ukraine Moves Country to the Middle of Russia

Written by: Farhad Taraporevala

On Tuesday morning, Russian farmers were surprised by the sight of the nation of Ukraine in their backyards, after Ukraine’s populace picked up their entire country …

Features

Crossword Answers (secret!!!)

Written by: The MQ

Crossword Answers (secret!!!) Don’t tell a soul about these.