Volume 28 Issue 5
Cutting-Edge Computer Virus Sweeps Through Campus
“This would be a beautiful sight if my essay wasn’t on that computer,” one student commented.Photo By Maria Dhilla On Thursday afternoon, the cybersecurity office at …
Local Flint Shortage Sparks Absolutely Nothing
“I was having a real tough time figuring out what to do without any flint,” said Susan Graves, “and then it struck me.”Photo By Julia Wong …
Joe Rogan Defends Controversial Interview with the Devil
After hearing a comment from Satan, Joe Rogan said, “Hey Jamie, can you pull a clip up of that guy burning in Hell?”Photo by Julia Wong …
Student with 300 Tabs Open Wonders Why Computer Is Slow
“It’s a little stuffy in here,” Milieu noted. “Let me open up a new window.”Photo by Maria Dhilla Fourth-year Ava Milieu has recently faced intense public …
April Fool! This Student Has Been Trying to Nurse a Dead Plant Back to Life for the Past Three Months
“It’s just hibernating,” insisted Nohope.Photo by Sharon Roth On March 3, second-year student Theresa Nohope realized her aloe plant had been dead for the last three …
Student Finds Four-Leaf Clover on Sun God Lawn, Wins Zoom Meeting With Leprechaun
“Ten more minutes and I’m lepre-GONE,” grumbled the leprechaun.Photo By Julia Wong Earlier this week, third-year UCSD student Stacey Greene was taking a break from her …
No, I Won’t Close My Tabs, They All Have Really Important Stuff on Them
You will never get me to close my tabs. Every single one of them has vitally important content. What if I need to reference the WikiHow …
Posers Are Horrible and Ruin the Scene for Everybody Vs. I Am Having So Much Fun and Everyone Likes Me!
Point: Posers Are Horrible and Ruin the Scene for Everybody Everybody knows there’s nothing worse than a pretentious little braggart that thinks they know what they’re …
