Volume 28 Issue 5

ArticlesCampusNewsTech

Cutting-Edge Computer Virus Sweeps Through Campus

Written by: Farhad Taraporevala

“This would be a beautiful sight if my essay wasn’t on that computer,” one student commented.Photo By Maria Dhilla On Thursday afternoon, the cybersecurity office at …

ArticlesLocalNews

Local Flint Shortage Sparks Absolutely Nothing

Written by: George Nassar

“I was having a real tough time figuring out what to do without any flint,” said Susan Graves, “and then it struck me.”Photo By Julia Wong …

ArticlesNewsPolitics

Joe Rogan Defends Controversial Interview with the Devil

Written by: Jacob King

After hearing a comment from Satan, Joe Rogan said, “Hey Jamie, can you pull a clip up of that guy burning in Hell?”Photo by Julia Wong …

ArticlesCampusNews

Student with 300 Tabs Open Wonders Why Computer Is Slow

Written by: Aniela Drumonde

“It’s a little stuffy in here,” Milieu noted. “Let me open up a new window.”Photo by Maria Dhilla Fourth-year Ava Milieu has recently faced intense public …

Center SpreadFeatures

The MQ Plans a Spring Break Trip

Written by: The MQ

Back PageFeatures

The MQ Plans Their Day

Written by: The MQ

ArticlesCampusNews

April Fool! This Student Has Been Trying to Nurse a Dead Plant Back to Life for the Past Three Months

Written by: Theo Erickson

“It’s just hibernating,” insisted Nohope.Photo by Sharon Roth On March 3, second-year student Theresa Nohope realized her aloe plant had been dead for the last three …

ArticlesCampusNewsUncategorized

Philosophy Student Mistakes Thought for Mind-Blowing Epiphany

Written by: Sharon Roth

Michael of Temecula recently took his Minions out to dinner, only to complain, “This is the last supper! You guys cost way too much money.”Photo By …

Briefs

Bean Bag Shipments to Russia Halted in Support of Ukraine

Written by: Andrew Sitko

Following the Russian Army’s full-scale invasion of Ukraine, Mr. Charles Dawkins, CEO of the furniture company Crockery Farm, has announced that bean bag chairs will no …

ArticlesEditorialOpinion

White People Can Handle Spicy Food and You’re Going to Watch Me Prove It

Written by: Taggert Smith

Hey guys! Welcome back to another challenge video. Now, you may have heard the misconception that White people can’t handle spicy foods, so we here at …