Written by: Isabelle Mckelvey

Price Center’s TapEx Is Tired of Being Confused for Tampax –– Considers Rename

Tapioca Express, the only boba shop on campus for decades, has recently mostly been referred to as “TapEx.” As long as this nickname has been around, however, there has been confusion surrounding the nature of the company. One student claimed, “I go into Tampax to get tampons every fucking day and they never have any. They always offer me something called ‘boba’ instead. But those things are terrible at soaking up blood.”

“Yeah, the students confused about our names are just plain stupid, but they’ve been harmless. At least, until yesterday…” said one TapEx employee, shivering at the memory. Last night, as the understaffed Tapex employees closed up for the night, thousands of free-bleeding menstruators stormed Price Center. They chanted “We need tampons, give us tampons,” and ignored employees when they notified protestors that they’ve “never sold tampons.” Repeating the phrase, “We sell boba,” failed to stick as well.

A TapEx manager recalled, “the angry menstruators only left after someone dug out a spare tampon from their purse and threw it towards Burger King. They chased after it on all fours, growling. They finally left us alone after that.” To avoid another incident, TapEx is considering a rebrand, with names such as Playtex and Kotex in the running.

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