Volume 28 Issue 2
The Worm From The Labyrinth Is the Best Character Ever and Here’s Why
Ello! See, isn’t that a lovely way to start off a conversation? Not a “hello” but an “ello”. That’s what a cute little worm named William …
To Anna, The Girl In Front Of Me Who Stole My Joke In York Hall
A Hopeful Funeral Dirge
Following Afghanistan Pull Out, Top Generals Still Looking for Bottom Specific
Following the “successful” withdrawal from Afghanistan, the chaos in the final moments at the Kabul airport has Top General Meiner and his compatriots in desperate search …
Count Ejacula Confirms New Line of Male-Enhancing Drugs
Coming to your preferred pornographic platform soon, Count Ejacula’s newest series of male enhancement drugs, including the infamous “VampiraMax Ultra Plus,” promises to “turn your droopy …
Breaking News: Animal Spotted in Local Forest
“It’s like a Pokémon… but real,” explained Buttage.Photo by Maria Dhilla Late on Thursday night, UCSD sophomore Peter Buttage noticed an unidentified animal in a eucalyptus grove …
Khosla Releases New “Crypto And Kitchen Exchange” Plan to Replace Dining Dollars
“I don’t give a shit about all this talk of legal tenders,” said Hamburg, “I just want my goddamn chicken tenders.”Photo by Jack Yang In light of …
Sun God to Be Demoted to Sun Emperor
Sun God to Be Demoted to Sun Emperor In what was described as a “shocking turn of events” by students, it was found that walking backwards …
Movie Producer Approves Movie Adaptation of Its Novelization
“If you haven’t read the book and watched the movie, you’re not going to get this one,” claimed one fan.Photo by Sharon Roth In their newest press …
Surfer Crashes After Catching Wave That Was Also a Particle
Surfer Crashes After Catching Wave That Was Also a Particle Local surfer Brad Mc- Broski reportedly suffered injuries in a surfing accident, leaving him in a …
Woman Unfortunately Not Haunted by Cool Ghost –– Just Her Past
Woman Unfortunately Not Haunted by Cool Ghost –– Just Her Past “It’s horrible, I might go insane,” claimed Daniela Rumour. “And not in the fun way …
