The Worm From The Labyrinth Is the Best Character Ever and Here’s Why

Ello! See, isn’t that a lovely way to start off a conversation? Not a “hello” but an “ello”. That’s what a cute little worm named William said to Sarah in the 1986 movie The Labyrinth. As we all know, Sarah needed to get to the end of the labyrinth to get her little brother back from the sexy goblin king. At the beginning of her journey a little worm greets her and offers her to come inside and “have a nice cup of tea”. This is amazing for two reasons: 1. He is a worm with no arms, how can he serve her tea? And 2. He is sitting on a little ledge of a brick wall… what inside is he even referring to? Does he just morph through the brick to go home? The little worm goes even further, he insists that Sarah give up her quest and instead “meet the missus.” This worm is apparently very eager to host. 

Unfortunately, the audience never gets to see the “Mrs,” and that keeps me up at night. I would give anything to meet a little Mrs. Worm, I mean anything. I would piss lightning for the rest of my life if it meant I could see her on the big screen. Going back to the man of the hour, the little worm gives Sarah one last piece of advice. He instructs her to change directions and go the opposite way she was going. She listens and runs off into the distance. We then learn that if Sarah kept going the direction she originally sought, she would have gone straight to the sexy goblin king’s castle. Trust me, I know this seems infuriating. The magnificent little worm who stole our hearts betrayed Sarah and told her to go the wrong way. But look at it this way, if Sarah went straight to the castle, the movie would’ve ended too soon. This little worm is a hero. He is the reason why we got to experience magical balls, orange Fraggle Rock rejects tear off their heads, and a sexual awakening of watching David Bowie in tight pants. Without the little worm, I wouldn’t be the person I am today. He is a god amongst worms and men.