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Captain Ahab closes in on rare whale
Ahab claims, “He’s a slippery sunuva bitch”
How I Cured Conspiracy Theorists by Selling Them a More Ludicrous Conspiracy
By Chad Rähserchur Disillusioned Film Critic Human nature is to know. The absence of knowledge haunts us, tears away at our sanity. I say to everyone …
Agricultural Revolution Erupts from Horse Dewormer Shortage
“We are not horsing around,” claimed Susie McCue’s neighbor.Photo by Maria Dhilla Ivermectin and other horse-related medications have long been out of stock following claims made by …
Acronym Creator Missing in Action
Acronym Creator Missing in Action Emmaline Young, Doctor of Philosophy, was recently reported Missing in Action as of Thursday, 10:39 ante meridiem. Last seen getting a …
The MQ Predicts Your Future
Class suggestions, Dream Interpretations, and more!
UCSD Spam Quarantine Email Name to be Changed “Out of Respect” for Past Events
“Any student who mentions the email will be put in isolation for 40 days,” threatened Khosla.Photo by Robin Brewin This past Saturday, a private meeting to …
Blue’s Clues Detective Business Fails
Blue’s Clues Detective Business Fails It’s been 19 years since Blues Clues’ Steve went off to college, and is now announcing a new private detective business. …
