Local Queer Couple Speedrun Marriage Any Percent


Written by: Robin Brewin

Local Queer Couple Speedrun Marriage Any Percent

Nonbinary lesbian couple Anne B. Goye and Robynn Drew have set a new record for modern queer marriages, managing to tie the knot via sequence breaking. “I’ve been trying to find someone for so long,” said Anne. “I’ve gone to coffee shops, the local Whole Foods, the Whole Foods in Topeka, the Whole Foods in Kansas City, and the Whole Foods my exgirlfriend runs in Lawrence, but I haven’t found anything meaningful in any of those places. But then I had a revelation while speedrunning Uprising on Halo 2 … ”

Tactics typically reserved for the virtual world had yet to be utilized in reality until Anne’s romantic experiment. “I figured I could skip all of the awkward glances and trying to figure out if ‘I like your hair’ is flirting or not by clipping through the bathroom at the gay bar, but I ended up zipping all the way to the wedding. Suddenly I had an already-filled marriage license in my inventory and a beautiful partner I could see myself falling in love with once we could have a single conversation.” Though it came as a surprise to both Anne and Robynn, the two agreed that their marriage was the best choice they never made. Unfortunately for the couple, the two accidentally wrongwarped to the divorce split, though this made for an impressive World Record.

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