Volume 28
UCSD Announces Transcripts and Diplomas to be Available Exclusively as NFTs
“I can’t believe how easy this crypto stuff is,” exclaimed one student, “I traded my diploma for a picture of a funny monkey and now I’m …
Hanukkah Cut to Seven Days Due to Oil Shortage
“The oil lasting for eight days was no miracle,” said Zelda. “Back then, people didn’t live under Joe Biden’s gas prices.”Photo by Sharon Roth As the holiday …
Everyone Went to Bed Without Flossing Today
Everyone Went to Bed Without Flossing Today After months of research, a Stanford lab concluded that literally everyone went to sleep without flossing beforehand today. While …
World Renowned Chef Eats His Words
Tepids is reportedly in hot water over the comments he made.Photo by Robin Brewin Duncan Tepids, the “cream of the crop of rising chefs,” and “internet darling,” …
Injuries Sustained After Ice Rink’s New “No Skates Saturday” Deal
Photo by Jack Yang Tragedy struck last Saturday after Ricky’s Ice Skatin’ ice skating rink instituted its new “No Skates Saturday” event in an attempt to bring …
UCSD Chem Majors Have a Thanksgiving Feast of Chemicals
“Technically, everything we eat is made of chemicals but only some of it contains arsenic,” said Cee.Photo by Sharon Roth During the Thanksgiving long weekend, many UCSD …
Sun God Weeps During Finals Week
Sun God Weeps During Finals Week Early this morning, second- year Jeremy Beremy was walking to an 8 a.m. class and reported seeing a trickle of …
Welcome To: “THE META UNIVERSITY XPERIENCE”
By Mark Zuckerberg Proud American Hi guys, Zuckerberg here. I’ve always said that the years we spend in college can be some of the most formative …
Developer Builds Houses That Come Pre-Haunted
“The previous tenants loved this house to death,” said Pierce.Photo by Maria Dhilla With current housing market trends causing strife for prospective home-owners and forcing poor, desperate …
Local Queer Couple Speedrun Marriage Any Percent
Local Queer Couple Speedrun Marriage Any Percent Nonbinary lesbian couple Anne B. Goye and Robynn Drew have set a new record for modern queer marriages, managing …
