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Injuries Sustained After Ice Rink’s New “No Skates Saturday” Deal

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Photo by Jack Yang

Tragedy struck last Saturday after Ricky’s Ice Skatin’ ice skating rink instituted its new “No Skates Saturday” event in an attempt to bring in more customers. The local ice rink reported several bloody noses sustained throughout the afternoon as skaters’ socks hit dry patches. Additionally, some had their feet sliced when a hockey team, not participating in No Skates Saturday, began their weekly practice.

“Our staff and I are so ashamed, we could barely make it through Monday Move-It!: Strobe Dancing,” said owner Ricky Racket. “But we thought it was better to continue to serve our community in this difficult time than to shut down to clean the ice.” When asked about the development of No Skates Saturday, Racket responded, “It used to be easy living. Back-to-back kids’ birthday parties. Then the neighborhood grew up, and I can barely drag a couple of teenagers away from their phones, APs, polycules, and whatnot. I never imagined it would take this much bloodshed to keep an ice rink afloat.”

Despite the tragedy, some victims believe the injuries couldn’t have happened at a more serendipitous location. “A fifteen-year-old Sharks fan did slice my toe clean off, but guess what?” commented Logan Brunt. “I didn’t even have to look for ice. Just left it on the floor for the paramedics.” Other participants recall the afternoon as both joyful and disastrous. “It was kind of funny when Jason fell over,” said an eyewitness who preferred to remain anonymous. “But then my sock got snagged and it wasn’t that funny anymore. Anyway, I don’t see why they don’t just do free boba or something. Or like a tote bag.” When asked for comment, 10th-grader Jason V. responded: “Oh my god, you won’t even give them your name? Susie, this isn’t the national news.”

Besides “No Skates Saturday” and “Move-It! Monday,” the rink has hosted several other events, including a Weezer impersonator concert, a BYO-Frappuccino Friday, and a baptism. “That baptism might have been Rick’s worst idea,” recounts teenage employee Megan Westly. “The priest dropped the baby and it got stuck to the ice.” Ricky’s Ice Skatin’ isn’t the only local business to host such events in an attempt to revive business. Noel’s Bowling had a similar no-shoes event planned until business owner Noel Rolling heard of the events at Ricky’s Ice Skatin’. “I realized I was going down the same dark path,” said Rolling. “Where does it end? I was going to have a No-Hole November, but then I saw myself in the mirror and I couldn’t meet my own eyes.”

Westly expressed similar misgivings with the management of the ice rink. “I wish Rick would stop trying to start a gimmick,” she said. “It’s, like, he just lives in the past. Roller skating is popular now, he can literally build a floor and stop paying the cooling bill. But it was funny when Jason fell over.”

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