Volume 28
Wall Street Grows Tired of Betting Against the Livelihood of Working Class People, Begins Betting Against Working Class’s Lives Directly
Major Wall Street investors and mutual funds have recently begun a new trading strategy. Instead of investments in traditional businesses or commodities, many investors have traded …
In Resolution of Third Strike, 64 Employees Receive Conciliatory Turkey
Photo by Sharon Roth In the spirit of Thanksgiving, HDH and striking 64 degrees employees finally reached a settlement last Thursday. Student employees have had mixed reactions, …
Hark! Welcometh Back to Mine ThouTube Channel
Hark! Welcometh back to mine ThouTube channel. Maketh sure to like, comment, and tell thy bellkeep to ring the bell in the towne square so thou …
The Worm From The Labyrinth Is the Best Character Ever and Here’s Why
Ello! See, isn’t that a lovely way to start off a conversation? Not a “hello” but an “ello”. That’s what a cute little worm named William …
To Anna, The Girl In Front Of Me Who Stole My Joke In York Hall
A Hopeful Funeral Dirge
Following Afghanistan Pull Out, Top Generals Still Looking for Bottom Specific
Following the “successful” withdrawal from Afghanistan, the chaos in the final moments at the Kabul airport has Top General Meiner and his compatriots in desperate search …
Count Ejacula Confirms New Line of Male-Enhancing Drugs
Coming to your preferred pornographic platform soon, Count Ejacula’s newest series of male enhancement drugs, including the infamous “VampiraMax Ultra Plus,” promises to “turn your droopy …
Students Desperate for Chance at Black Friday Tuition Discount
“You’re gonna get a deal on this knuckle sandwich,” yelled Sweeney.Photo by Sharon Roth As the holiday season approaches, Black Friday savings are at the forefront of …
Local ASMR Artist Livestreams From the 8th Floor of Geisel During Finals Week
“Surprisingly, my MATH 20C grade is more unsettling than asMARTA’s performance,” said O’Reilley.Photo by Sharon Roth The quietest floor of Geisel Library was disturbed last Tuesday by …
UCSD Announces Transcripts and Diplomas to be Available Exclusively as NFTs
“I can’t believe how easy this crypto stuff is,” exclaimed one student, “I traded my diploma for a picture of a funny monkey and now I’m …
