Volume 28
Mom, I Would Like a Piece of Bread
Mom, I Would Like a Piece of Bread I am famished. Starving. Excruciatingly hungry. I am but a six-year-old flower, wasting away. Indeed, my sweet little …
Hanukkah Cut to Seven Days Due to Oil Shortage
“The oil lasting for eight days was no miracle,” said Zelda. “Back then, people didn’t live under Joe Biden’s gas prices.”Photo by Sharon Roth As the holiday …
Everyone Went to Bed Without Flossing Today
Everyone Went to Bed Without Flossing Today After months of research, a Stanford lab concluded that literally everyone went to sleep without flossing beforehand today. While …
World Renowned Chef Eats His Words
Tepids is reportedly in hot water over the comments he made.Photo by Robin Brewin Duncan Tepids, the “cream of the crop of rising chefs,” and “internet darling,” …
Nasa Launches Cat-based Lunar Module
Always lands on its feet
Nasa Launches Cat-based Lunar Module
Always lands on its feet
Facebook Whistleblower Reveals the Internet is Still a Giant Cesspool
“FaceBOOK? Kids these days won’t even know what those things are,” complained one spokesperson.Photo by Jack Yang An ex-employee of Facebook has come forward with a set …
1,000 Dead in the War on Christmas
By Xander Goldman Proud American It’s no secret that life is getting tougher for conservative, Christian, patriotic Americans like me. Still, it’s a tough pill to …
Susan Bagel: Gingerbread
A ruminating Bagel, perched atop her suburban fortress, awaiting a man more substantial than the one in her hands. It’s winter, and I wake up cold. …
