Volume 28
Wolftown Debuts New Locally Sourced Raccoon Bowl
“After eating this, the trash doesn’t look so bad,” claimed Nomick.Photo by Maria Dhilla Throngs of hungry undergraduates were greeted by a new sight on Wednesday at …
Unrecorded UCSD Lecture Now Considered Lost Media
Unrecorded UCSD Lecture Now Considered Lost Media This past Friday, a small group of students claimed to see a lecture that has no digital recording or …
Being A Raccoon is Harder Than You Think
Trust me, I’ve been there. I was once like you: happy and free, eating warm, full meals with my forks and knives. You stupid, stupid students, …
On-Campus Housing Regresses to Phase Zero
“There’s a COVID detection system for outgoing water, but none for incoming water. Better safe than sorry!” said the Housing Director.Photo by Sharon Roth Yesterday morning, …
UCSD Student Discovers the Last Number
UCSD Student Discovers the Last Number On January 20th, a moderator of the “Class of 2024” Discord server created a new channel titled “Counting,” which was …
Aides Refuse to Reveal Secret to Queen’s Long Life as 70th Year of Rule Approaches
The Church of England will now accept small children as tithe.Photo by Maria Dhilla As Queen Elizabeth II approaches her 70th year of rule, the Commonwealth …
My Life Isn’t So Bad Actually vs. I’m From a Different Dimension, You’re in the dark timeline
Point: My Life Isn’t So Bad Actually By Ben Wilson “Bad” Version I know this may sound crazy, but I kinda enjoy my life. After over …
TikTok Songs in Dining Halls Make Customers Prone to Involuntary Fits of Dancing
Since late September, reports of involuntary fits of dancing induced by TikTok songs being played on the radio in dining halls have come in at an …
UCSD to Launch New Subscription Based Wifi Service
On Monday, UCSD announced the launch of a new wifi network that will be available to students that purchase a monthly subscription plan. Preorders for the …
I’m the gallon of milk in your fridge you have not touched since week 1
This cold, desolate land has been all I’ve known. When I was chosen by you, I thought I had a chance at a rich, adventurous life. …
