Volume 26
Amish Communities Rally Behind Andrew Yang to Fight Wave of Automation
“Aren’t we glad our fragile human flesh is not being pierced by rocks, fellow human women?” asked the metallic Amish woman.Photo by Jack Yang Democratic candidate …
Local Journalist "Sick of Having to be Accurate"
Local Journalist “Sick of Having to be Accurate” lack Mountain Ranch Bi-daily Tribune journalist Winter Evans has recently become notorious after a video of her going …
UCSD Student Says That He Will Travel the World During Summer Vacation, Does Nothing
UCSD Student Says That He Will Travel the World During Summer Vacation, Does Nothing UCSD student Nathan Nix said that he regrets doing nothing over summer …
Disney announces live-action remake of Beverly Hills Chihuahua
Disney announces live-action remake of Beverly Hills Chihuahua Plans to recreate the controversial late-2000s movie Beverly Hills Chihuahua was revealed in a recent interview with Disney …
Area Woman Hauls Ass to Meet FitBit Step Goal
According to reports, O’Malley keeps all the donkeys in a pit affectionately known as her “ass hole.”Photo by Jack Yang Area woman Zigi O’Malley held a …
Point/Counterpoint: How Hard Can This Premed Thing Be?/I Switched Majors Three Weeks Into my Freshman Year
How Hard Can This Premed Thing Be? By Joseph NeuronIncoming Freshman Look, I know I’m only going into my first year, but how hard can Premedreally …
La Jolla Playhouse Premiers "Stomp 2", Featuring UCSD’s Custodial Staff
Several audience members paid for a premium package with “splash zone” seating and $80 “Stomp 2” ponchos.Photo by Jack Yang The La Jolla Playhouse recently announced …
Study Fails to Find Evidence That Succulents Add Personality to Dorm Rooms
The companion study researching whether adding a human to a garden of succulents gave it personality was inconclusive.Photo by Jack Yang First-years across the world were …
Trump’s Tariffs Activate Xi Jinping’s Trap Card, Lowers America’s Attack Points by 500
Trump later assured the American public that he bought “the best cards. The most expensive, most valuable, rarest cards.”Photo by Jessica Ma Press Secretary Stephanie Grisham …
Newspaper Alumnus Writes Article to Convince Herself That Her Youth Hasn’t Disappeared
Hanrahan remarked that the paper is not as absorbent as she remembered.Photo by Jack Yang In an unusual turn of events for local satire paper the …
