Volume 26

FeaturesOnline Exclusives

Would You Survive the Jurassic?

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Long have you awaited, dedicated reader, for the chance to face your fears. Long have you awaited the moment where you discover if you live, or if you die. This life is not an easy one, oh no, but you can live it with your head held as high as any Brachiosaurus, knowing that you — yes YOU — will survive the Jurassic Period. Or would you?

FeaturesOnline Exclusives

Rejected Young Adult Novels of 2020

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Sometimes, you really CAN judge a book by its cover. Here are some scrapped young adult novels that were originally set to release this year.

FeaturesOnline Exclusives

Quarantine Horoscope

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Based on our very scientific analysis of stars and planets and whatnot, we know exactly what you’ve done during quarantine based on your sign.

ArticlesCampusLocalNews

Local Student Floods Childhood Home to Remember Life on Campus

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Mahone’s father later commented that he was concerned that the family’s finances “would be in deep water after this stunt.”Photo by Jack Yang Mark Mahone, a second-year …

ArticlesEditorialOpinion

Back in My Day, We Had Plague Doctors and That Was Rad as Fuck

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Everyone seems to have an opinion on what doctors are doing nowadays, so I want to take this time to speak up for ghosts everywhere because …

ArticlesEditorialOpinion

Local Dog Claims “I Actually Don’t Need to Go on Anymore Walks”

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All my family does is take me on walks anymore. I am trying to be a good girl, but I am tired.  It all started the …

Top 10

Top Ten People Who Hate Their Dads

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Top Ten People Who Hate Their Dads Henry Ford: His dad never drove him anywhere Clifford the Big Red Dog: His mother was a giant bitch, …

Top 10

Top Ten Quarantine Activities

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Top Ten Quarantine Activities Hug the elderly Ask for a push from Duo just to feel something Not wearing pants anymore because who’s gonna see you? …

ArticlesEditorialNewsOpinion

A Letter Regarding Coronavirus

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Dear Valued Customer, We’ve been carefully watching and tracking the progression of this pandemic since the very beginning. At a Company You Gave Your Email to …

ArticlesOpinionPoint - Counter Point

If I Need to Die for the Economy, then Kill Me Goddammit vs. Dad, How Did You Escape the Nursing Home?

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Point: If I Need to Die for the Economy, then Kill Me Goddammit Gather around everyone, it’s time for a family meeting. Hey, why is everyone …