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Quarantine Horoscope

Written by: The MQ

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Aries

You did two lessons of Spanish on Duolingo before giving up because you couldn’t roll your R’s

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Taurus

You actually started to look at horoscopes

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Gemini

You’ve gotten really into oat milk

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Cancer

You’re either sleeping for three hours at a time or 13 hours. Nothing in between

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Leo

You Zoom-bombed your mom’s virtual bible study

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Virgo

You got mad at your boba place for being nonessential

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Libra

You tried picking up a book. Not to read it, just to see how much it weighed

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Scorpio

You were an asshole and spit on produce

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Sagittarius

You pensively place your hand against a windowpane every day searching for meaning in this prison

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Capricorn

You let a bunch of stray cats into the house to do your part for the world

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Aquarius

You’ve been standing up really fast and getting lightheaded

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Pisces

You’ve been going on silly little walks about the neighborhood

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