Top Ten Quarantine Activities

1. Hug the elderly
2. Ask for a push from Duo just to feel something
3. Not wearing pants anymore because who’s gonna see you?
4. Telling family to start calling you by the wrong name so it feels like you’re still going to Starbucks
5. Pay Tom Nook like the whore you are
6. Don’t shower because the smell kills the virus
7. Check the news excessively to see if Trump has the coronavirus yet
8. Steal the chairs from Pines because you can’t steal the food
9. Holding your own hand because you’re touch-starved
10. Go to Half-Dome Lounge, Tuesdays from … oh wait.