Articles
The Creature Is Coming
“Not everything is about politics,” said The Creature.Photo by Aidan Moran Over the past year, journalists, researchers, and monster-hunters across the United States have begun to …
Epstein Family Amphitheater Found on Flight Logs
“lisdfa;piohjfqwrjoi;sda”said G word hidden. Photo by Dylan Schmidt I n what UC San Diego administrators deem “an unfortunate incident that raises more questions than it answers,” …
Love Loses
Heterosexual marriage is reportedly on an even sharper decline.Photo by Amit Roth In what historians are calling an “explosive decision unrivaled since Heinrich Schliemann’s excavation of …
Riots Break Out in Aftermath of Little League Softball Championships
“My kids don’t even go here; I just saw the violence and had to contribute,” said a local parent.Photo by Destiney Friday In a “startling” turn …
Man Achieves Fame and Fortune Following Nine-Paragraph-Long LinkedIn Post
“Sure, I can generate a caption for you!” produced Grok.Photo by Amit Roth Last week, newly “loaded” millionaire Michael Gates posted an extensive soliloquy on LinkedIn …
UCSD Unveils New AI Therapist
“What an interesting query — have you tried using UCSD CAPS?” generated the AI therapist.Photo by Amit Roth Following widespread student complaints about the lack of …
Trump Introduces New Squirrel Breeding Program
“Squeak squeak squeak squeak,” said the squirrels.Photo by Dylan Schmidt Following the release of the redacted Epstein files, President Donald Trump signed Executive Order 14381 into …
Woman Holds Auditions to Find Valentine
“Is this an entry level relationship?” asked one recent graduate.Photo by Farhad Taporevala Hope Lise, a 28-year-old San Diego local, announced on social media that she …
WHERE ARE MY DESIGNER BABIES??? vs. Get More Creative
Point: WHERE ARE MY DESIGNER BABIES??? Prepping to be La Jolla’s best mother is no easy task. Our future princess Jadelynne has to be perfect — …
UCSD Pisser Completely Soaks My Bedsheets!
Well, he got me, guys. What was supposed to be a very light and chill night hanging with a couple of my SDSU bros ended with …
