Articles
You’re So Cute vs. No, You Are!
Point: You’re So Cute! The sun-bright construction lights lining Ridgewalk illuminated everything from the darkest corner of the Sixth College dorms to the trees of Torrey …
UCSD Has Crazy Housing Inequality!!!
I am Hermit the Crab, a freshman at UC San Diego and the first non-human to enroll in the school’s history. I major in Real Estate …
UCSD Forces Students to View ‘Image that Kills You’
“Eh, I’ve seen worse,” said one particularly avid Reddit user.Photo by Amit Roth The UC San Diego administration announced its plans to add a new general …
OceanView Terrace Now ‘Serving Cunt’
“I hope the homosexuals feel safe now,” said Chancellor Khosla.Photo by Dylan Schmidt After months of “complicated and tense” deliberation within UC San Diego Housing, Dining …
UCSD Overhauls Remedial Math
“THWwACK,” said one anonymous ruler.Photo by Ariel Chen After a recent faculty report exposed “really scary” deficits in student mathematics preparedness, Chancellor Pradeep Khosla will begin …
Celebrities Have Lost Touch with Reality vs. Respectfully, I’m a Little Freaked Out Right Now
Point: Celebrities Have Lost Touch with Reality The time was 22:55. I just got off work and eagerly made my way to my home office. I …
Love Loses
Heterosexual marriage is reportedly on an even sharper decline.Photo by Amit Roth In what historians are calling an “explosive decision unrivaled since Heinrich Schliemann’s excavation of …
Riots Break Out in Aftermath of Little League Softball Championships
“My kids don’t even go here; I just saw the violence and had to contribute,” said a local parent.Photo by Destiney Friday In a “startling” turn …
Man Achieves Fame and Fortune Following Nine-Paragraph-Long LinkedIn Post
“Sure, I can generate a caption for you!” produced Grok.Photo by Amit Roth Last week, newly “loaded” millionaire Michael Gates posted an extensive soliloquy on LinkedIn …
UCSD Unveils New AI Therapist
“What an interesting query — have you tried using UCSD CAPS?” generated the AI therapist.Photo by Amit Roth Following widespread student complaints about the lack of …
