The sixth proposed student center will allegedly contain a giant titanium dodecahedron.
Photo by Amit Roth
Last week, UC San Diego officials announced to the campus community via email that they were “getting bored” of their ongoing construction projects and will begin building a new student center in Muir College next quarter to “switch things up for a change.”
“Muir was just the most convenient place to do it, honestly,” confessed real estate director Noor Aura. “They have a whole field they’re doing nothing with. And those buildings are sooo not aesthetic. What could be a better and more profitable use of the space than a new student center?”
Aura explained that the new project is “much-needed,” as UCSD currently has a “measly” four student centers: the original Student Center, Price Center, the Student Services Center, and the anticipated Triton Center. After careful deliberation about the amount of revenue it would generate, administrators decided that another complex was “absolutely necessary” for the students’ wellbeing. “There is no way that we can give our poor students the services they deserve without another $400 million complex,” Director of Optimization of Developmental Synergy Establishment Lou Sirr said.
To aid the process of construction, the school plans to close Pines, MOM’s Cafe, John’s Market, Muir Field, one of the Muir tennis courts, the HSS basement room, the entirety of Tuolumne, and the “tables and chairs room” in Tioga. The construction will occur during Spring and Summer 2026 and be completed by Fall 2026. “I mean, we might be done by then,” Sirr speculated. “But, you know, we also might not.”
In the meantime, Muir College workers and leaders are left unsure about their daily routines in the quarter to come. “We’ve got, like, two whole weeks before school starts up again,” Sirr reasoned. “I’m sure they’ll figure it out. There are plenty of other places for them to work, probably. Or to…hold college events…or do paperwork…or whatever it is those guys do.”
The new center’s functional purpose was reportedly a difficult decision for UCSD’s Committee on Profitable Instructional Spaces for Success (PISS). According to Sirr, the committee considered including undocumented student legal services or expanded Counseling and Psychological Services, but in the end, the most valuable use of the space was clear: a new art installation which will serve as the newest addition to the campus-wide Stuart Collection.
“So we’ve got this 40-foot decorative metal cube, right?” Sirr explained. “And it stands in the lobby of the building. The building’s got these really tall ceilings. And it’s an artistic statement, you see — we’re saying, hey, art is necessary and deserves to take up space. So we’re gonna fill up more space with it.” According to Sirr, the cube and its installation are projected to cost about $200 million.
In addition to the cube, the center will reportedly include a Michelin Star restaurant designed for wealthy La Jolla residents, a floor filled with unidentified and off-limits offices, a chocolate fountain, another glass blowing facility, and a ball pit.
UCSD administrators declined a request for comment regarding who asked for this.
Abby is a "journalist" who has never told a lie in her life. She enjoys long walks on the beach, beating dead horses, and running content at every possible moment.
