Articles
You Dare Question MY Antiquing Skills?
s this a game to you? Are you earnest when you ask me if I bought these chairs at Bob’s Discount Furniture Store? No, I did …
Federal Government To Fund UCSD’s Premiere Conversion Therapy Camp
Executives at UC San Diego have begun spearheading initiatives to improve its quality of education. According to a leaked internal memo, one of these initiatives will …
Venture Capitalist Invest in Students
Following a “depressing” week for the stock market, venture capitalist firm SadeFirm has decided to invest in UC San Diego students. SadeFirm has been scouting campus …
White House Legalizes “Good” Treason
On September 20, 2025, President Donald Trump blanket pardoned all participants of the January 6 insurrection and legalized treason in the United States. When asked for …
Tapioca Express offers limited-edition Kiki drinks
On-campus boba shop Tapioca Express recently announced that through the end of Week One, they will be running a limited-time menu of Kiki drinks. The new …
Local Student Adopts Dorm Woodpecker
This summer, Housing, Dining, and Hospitality issued the largest fine in university history to an unnamed Revelle student after the student left over 50 holes in …
Masc Lesbian Faces Backlash for Outfit Choices
Local lesbian Alexander showed up to Eighth College orientation wearing a “green Weezer shirt, yellow khakis, and a fluorescent pink fanny pack” to the horror of …
BREAKING: Anonymous Does Nothing Again
Last July, Anonymous, a self-identified group of decentralized “hacktivists,” posted a video on all social media platforms condemning the “dirty, rotten, gross, even” state of the …
Department of War to Honor UCSD with Naval Base
“Yar har, me class-mateys,” said one self-proclaimed “First Matey.”Photo by Destiney Friday After years of loyalty to the United States Department of War, President Trump has …
America Balkanizes
Wyoming reportedly did not notice.Photo by Dylan Schmidt After a typo in a Supreme Court decision annulled the entirety of the U.S. Constitution last week, the …
