This summer, Housing, Dining, and Hospitality issued the largest fine in university history to an unnamed Revelle student after the student left over 50 holes in their dorm room wall at the end of last school year. After learning that the fine was over $1,000, the student decided to submit a formal appeal, citing a “dorm woodpecker” as the source of the holes.
“And also because I totally didn’t hammer anything into my walls last year,” the student said. “Like, ever. I’m a good, rule-following student, and I don’t even really like posters that much, actually, so, there. My pet woodpecker just wouldn’t stop putting all those dang holes in the wall.”
HDH reportedly granted the appeal less than a week later, but in its place issued a second fine for the infraction of keeping a pet on campus against university policy.
“It was an emotional … help … service bird, or something,” the student further explained. “You know, like for depressed people. That’s me.”
The university has yet to appeal the second fine, and has reportedly reached out to neighboring students for testimony regarding the veracity of the claims.
“Yeah, I mean, it’s probably true,” one student responded. “I sometimes heard this loud sound coming from their room, especially in the beginning year. Some kind of a hammering sound. Almost like a woodpecker.”
Abby is a "journalist" who has never told a lie in her life. She enjoys long walks on the beach, beating dead horses, and running content at every possible moment.
