Executives at UC San Diego have begun spearheading initiatives to improve its quality of education. According to a leaked internal memo, one of these initiatives will be the opening of UCSD’s Conversion Therapy Camp (CTC).
This federally-funded proposal follows UCSD’s recent demotion from #18 to #20 in the Academic Ranking of World Universities, an “injustice” that UCSD officials are attributing to the campus’ growing number of LGBTQ+ student affairs. “It is a travesty and an insult to be relegated publicly,” said the leaked memo. “It’s all because of those fucking dandies. The esteemed University of California, San Diego would be much more successful and productive if it weren’t for all these woke pronouners [sic] running around.”
Blair Glover, a second-year student at UCSD, was the first to attain CTC’s “reborn” status, according to a recently uploaded YouTube video. “Conversion Therapy Camp at UCSD changed my life! I used to long for the sweet and sensual touch of a gorgeous, kind, caring woman, but now I understand that straight is, um … great,” she said, shuffling through a series of notecards.
Glover’s mother commented on the video, writing, “I haven’t seen my daughter since the upload of this video. The last things she texted me were, ‘please help, they r coming, he has a gun.’” Glover could not be reached for comment.
