News
Riots Break Out in Aftermath of Little League Softball Championships
“My kids don’t even go here; I just saw the violence and had to contribute,” said a local parent.Photo by Destiney Friday In a “startling” turn …
Man Achieves Fame and Fortune Following Nine-Paragraph-Long LinkedIn Post
“Sure, I can generate a caption for you!” produced Grok.Photo by Amit Roth Last week, newly “loaded” millionaire Michael Gates posted an extensive soliloquy on LinkedIn …
UCSD Unveils New AI Therapist
“What an interesting query — have you tried using UCSD CAPS?” generated the AI therapist.Photo by Amit Roth Following widespread student complaints about the lack of …
Trump Introduces New Squirrel Breeding Program
“Squeak squeak squeak squeak,” said the squirrels.Photo by Dylan Schmidt Following the release of the redacted Epstein files, President Donald Trump signed Executive Order 14381 into …
Woman Holds Auditions to Find Valentine
“Is this an entry level relationship?” asked one recent graduate.Photo by Farhad Taporevala Hope Lise, a 28-year-old San Diego local, announced on social media that she …
Stable Diffusion Kills Last Horse
A sequel Umamusume game will reportedly be based on dogfighting.Photo by Amit Roth L ast night, the World Wild- life Fund (WWF) announced that the last …
BIGFOOT STOLE MY WIFE vs. Have Bigger Feet
Point: BIGFOOT STOLE MY WIFE! I was coming back from a very important golf out- ing with the boys when I opened my bedroom door and …
North Pole Refuses to Release the Naughty Files
“I did not have sexual relations with that reindeer,” said Claus.
President Claus of the North Pole has officially delayed the publication of the Naughty Files by issuing an executive order…
Were-CATs Prowling San Diego Streets
“Do not feed the were-CATs. We don’t actually know what their natural diet is,” said Gloria. San Diego Mayor Todd Gloria recently issued warnings urging residents not to “drive anywhere after…
United States Places 200% Tariffs on North Pole Imports
“Can you really put tariffs on goods that move exclusively through international airspace?” asked one pedant. Amid the developing trade war between the United States and…
