Point: BIGFOOT STOLE MY WIFE!
Sexy Sexy Alpha Big Boy
I was coming back from a very important golf out- ing with the boys when I opened my bedroom door and found Bigfoot caressing my wife with his large feet. I can never erase his body from my mind! Statistically speaking, only 0.00001% of alpha males get cheated on. It’s a plain and simple fact. Bigfoot is threatening our manhood! Men, be warned!
My wife insists that Bigfoot is hot. Don’t get me wrong, he has quite impressively large… uh…feet! But the guy’s a dud! He’s so enormous, he hardly fits in the bed, he leaves this musky scent wherever he goes, and — wowie! The amount of hair! He’s practically a walking carpet. She keeps going on and on about how he “listens to her” and spends “quality time with her instead of golfing.”
Being an alpha male re- quires us to stay late at the office with our secretaries and make big boy business deals at golf clubs. She used to understand that! Bigfoot is corrupting the minds of our women! Not even my secretary Melissa will look at me anymore. She’s now moving on to “bigger and hairier things.”
I think I need to clear my mind and go for a stroll. We cannot allow this beast to take our livelihoods. He’s gonna stomp on my perfectly 3⁄4′′- inch grass and get my beautiful baby grill all hairy. We need to get this guy out of here; maybe I’ll challenge him to a golf game to show who is truly the most alpha. My golf game is solid. Scored a 76 with the wind in my face. Bet Bigfoot can’t do that!
Counterpoint: Get Bigger Feet
Bigfoot
Duuuuuuude that was you who walked in? Crazy timing, brah. You just gotta give your girl a little lovin’, my guy. Listen to her feelings — to her heart, man. My feet are just a little extra part of the charm. I just caress them with those big dogs, ya know? The ladies dig it. It’s called aftercare. Not sure what you’re on about with this alpha thing, man. Lowkey not showing the love. You gotta respect your girl, you know? It’s all about respect.
Your feet were…kinda tiny though, brah. I let out a little chuckle when I saw them walk in. That’s when it really hit me about the hurt Lisa was dealin with, ya know? She has such a good heart. She just needs a big ear to listen, some big feet caressin’, and some ’za. That’s the best medicine. I’m just glad she enjoyed herself, man. Y
our secretary Melissa and I are just vibin’ brah, don’t worry about her. Not much of a golf guy myself, but I can get down with a vibe. Call me when you’re out for that stroll. I saw where your eyes wandered while I was caressin’ your wife. You can trust me with the grill: show me how you like your meat and I’ll show you how I like mine. No shame in the game, everyone can get their piece of the Big Foot action.
