News
Gov. Newsom to Screen Homeless Population from Public View
“This is an outrage!” said one student. “Which soup kitchen will I get volunteer hours from now?!”Photo by Liv Gilbert Last week, California Governor Gavin Newsom …
HDH Debuts Caffeinated Breakfasts
“Don’t talk to me ’til I’ve had my morning burrito,” said Sixth College student Calvin Herrington.Photo by Ezra Bihis Following the trends of the beverage industry, …
Local Police to Enact New Recruitment Strategy
“I hear that somewhere during the course, they handcuff you,” said one interested studentwho chose to remain anonymous.Photo by Amit Roth In November 2020, voters unanimously …
Microsoft Introduces Windows Remote Defender
Recent reports claim that federal politicians are “freaking the fuck out.”Photo by Jordan Whitlow In the release notes for the upcoming version 25H1 of Windows 11, …
Literature Major Mistakes Sign for Signified
“I saw the sign and it opened up my eyes,” said third-year Literature/Writing major Ace Bassington.Photo by Liv Gilbert Literature major Earnest Bytheway has reportedly mistaken …
UCSD Announces Inter-College Competition
“This is the first time I’ve seen Chancellor Khosla on campus,” said one student. “What a hunk!”Photo by Ezra Bihis This past Thursday, UC San Diego …
UCSD Unveils New Noise Regulations
“This really hertz,” said student Oswald Frequario.Photo by Madeline Mozafari and Liv Gilbert In anticipation of the upcoming Regents budget committee meeting, UC San Diego Facilities …
AWP ‘Diversity Filter’ Working as Intended
“We hold students coming from the most diverse backgrounds to a higher standard, because we know they need it,” said Chancellor Pradeep K. Khosla.Photo by Liv …
Santa Claus Declared Enemy of State
“My mommy said Santa’s a Democrat, so I think he deserved it,” said local 7-year-old Annie Jones.Photo by Liv Gilbert The United States has announced that …
Medical School Applications to Now Require Credit Score
“The second I become a doctor, I’m defaulting on all my loans,” said Tagley Jones, credit score 682.Photo by Amit Roth The American Association of Medical …
