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Stable Diffusion Kills Last Horse
A sequel Umamusume game will reportedly be based on dogfighting.Photo by Amit Roth L ast night, the World Wild- life Fund (WWF) announced that the last …
BIGFOOT STOLE MY WIFE vs. Have Bigger Feet
Point: BIGFOOT STOLE MY WIFE! I was coming back from a very important golf out- ing with the boys when I opened my bedroom door and …
North Pole Refuses to Release the Naughty Files
“I did not have sexual relations with that reindeer,” said Claus.
President Claus of the North Pole has officially delayed the publication of the Naughty Files by issuing an executive order…
United States Places 200% Tariffs on North Pole Imports
“Can you really put tariffs on goods that move exclusively through international airspace?” asked one pedant. Amid the developing trade war between the United States and…
Science Fairs Replaced With ‘Correlation Fairs’
“If you would consult, well, if you were to consult…umm,” said R.F.K. Jr. In an effort to introduce the American youth to the new government-wide policy of “science shortcuts,” the Department…
Bruce Wayne and Batman Caught Together at Charity Gala
“Bruce and the Bat bouncing on it?” riddled The Riddler.Photo by Amit Roth According to attendees of last Saturday’s Wayne Charity Gala, bachelor and philanthropist Bruce …
I Guess Some Earthlings Are Also Considered ‘Aliens’
Today marks the 283rd day since I first arrived on Earth. For some context: I only came to this planet to acquire the minerals you call …
Rapture Indefinitely Postponed After God Reviews Guest List
“But I wanted uppies!” said one Christian father.Photo by Ezra Bihis In a move that sent panic throughout evangelical communities in the United States, God announced …
Aircrafts to Only Fly at ‘Worst Possible Time’
“INAUDABLE,” said Andrew Jeong.Photo by Ariel Chen In a “historic” effort, both UC San Diego and the 3rd Air Wing of the United States Marine Corps, …
Insurance Companies Implement New ‘Arcanic’ System
“The witch said my cancer was ‘meant for me’?” said one UnitedHealth Group User.Photo by Ezra Bihis Responding to mass complaints about alleged A.I. use in …
