“Bruce and the Bat bouncing on it?” riddled The Riddler.
Photo by Amit Roth
According to attendees of last Saturday’s Wayne Charity Gala, bachelor and philanthropist Bruce Wayne disappeared into a utility closet with renowned superhero Batman, sparking concern and speculation from fans. This news comes in light of recent reports that Bruce Wayne and Batman have broken up with their long-time boyfriends, superhero Superman and journalist Clark Kent, respectively. Their reported disappearance occurred moments after supervillain The Joker arrived and “replaced the food with ‘Joker mush’ [to] psychologically torture the attendees,” according to attendee Bella LaBelle.
“It was just so bad,” LaBelle said. “I almost didn’t notice Bruce and Batman’s steamy makeout sesh! We all saw Batman duck into the utility closet — and then Batman appeared just moments later! Who knows what they were doing in there together? So scandalous!” In the week following the event, fans have broken out into a frenzy of speculation on the internet. A second attendee, Martin Mingle, said he found a suit in the closet that looked similar to the one Bruce Wayne was wearing earlier that night.
An informant named Alfred — an “insider close to Bruce Wayne” — claimed that the pair have been dating for months. In a viral Xeet last week, Alfred also stated that Bruce Wayne is Batman’s “sugar daddy.”
“Bruce Wayne has been funding his boytoy’s [Batman] hobby for as long as he’s been a vigilante,” the Xeet read.
“Has Bruce Wayne’s money really been behind all of Batman’s bat-gadgets and bat-vehicles? It makes sense. How else would Batman get the money for his technology? And it is certainly in-character for Bruce Wayne, who, as seen in his dating history, clearly likes them muscular and in spandex — looking at you, Superman!”
Other attendees emphasized on X that the rapidness with which Wayne and Batman “went at it” was “actually really exceptional.”
“They were in the closet together for…literally less than a minute, I think,” another fan said. “But, hey, whatever floats their boat, I guess.”
Other attendees emphasized that this raises other questions about the nature of Bruce Wayne and Batman’s former relationships.
“Did Superman and Clark Kent know about the tryst, or were they cheated on?” one attendee asked. “Is that why their relationships ended? Who knows how long this scandalous affair has been going on for? How could Bruce and Batman be so heartless?”
While some have speculated that Bruce Wayne and Batman’s relationship is purely transactional, others insisted that “there must be romance there.”
“Is Bruce Wayne, the infamous playboy that he is, back to his old ways?” another attendee asked. “Or has Batman finally found his future bathusband? This is huge!”
X user Robyn Chyrp expressed confusion at the mystery surrounding the situation. “No one has any idea where Bruce Wayne went afterward,” they Xeeted. “Why are we speculating about what they were doing when no one even saw them in the room at the same time? Bruce entered the closet, a minute went by, and poof! Batman left the closet, and Bruce was gone without a trace. No one even saw Batman at the gala beforehand, either. Seriously, where did these rumors even come from?”
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