Volume 28 Issue 7


Geisel Renovation to Include New Crying Booths in Response to Rising Mental Health Concerns

Written by: Karina Yu

Pitt said, “This whole time, I thought CBT stood for Cognitive Behavioral Therapy. Now I know it stands for Crying Booth Treatment.”Photo by Julia Wong Throughout …


Study Finds New Sixth College Students Don’t Know How Good They Have It

Written by: Andrew Sitko

One spectator commented, “Wow, this feels like the third installment in a trilogy. I wonder if I could go onto TheMQ.org and find the prequels.”Photo by …


UCSD Cracks Down on Students Squatting in Unfinished Eighth College

Written by: Millie You

“The swaying of the building in the night wind rocks right me to sleep,” Snak commented.Photo by Julia Wong For many universities across America, the end …


Sunny G Found Wearing CAPEs

Written by: Connor Betterly

“I’m beginning to suspect that Sunny G might be Sun God,” one student said.Photo by Julia Wong Earlier this week on Sun God lawn, Sunny G …


The U.S. to Start Broadcasting All Court Proceedings Following Popularity of Heard-Depp Trial

Written by: Jacob King

One attorney concluded, “I rest my case, just like I rest on this MyPillow.”Photo by Maria Dhilla Last Tuesday, the White House announced a new executive …


Title of Khosla’s Leaked 2022 Commencement Address: “Good Luck LMAO”

Written by: Alex Riensch-Goldstein

“I was really worried and uncertain for my future,” began one student. “But after reading this speech, I’m reassured that I’m definitely screwed.”Photo by Maria Dhilla …

Top Ten

Top Ten Things That Aren’t Getting Enough Attention Right Now

Written by: The MQ

The clitoris Our LinkedIn profile The nearest exit, which might be behind you The fact that we’ve had two presidents named George Bush This great new …


It’s Not Easy Being White

Written by: The MQ

Every day I hear people saying things like, “white isn’t a color,” “white is just the absence of color,” “you can’t even see white, you just …

Sunday Comics

The Pride Flag

Written by: Theo Erickson

The Pride Flag By Theo Erickson

Top Ten

Top Ten New Ways to Generate Clean Energy

Written by: The MQ

Top Ten New Ways to Generate Clean Energy Capturing good vibes Plugging a power strip into itself Surrounding the moon with a Dyson sphere Picking up …