Volume 25 Issue 2
Students Take Bank Robbery Work-Study in Lieu of Financial Aid
Chancellor Khosla revealed his upcoming plan to solve financial aid difficulties undergraduate students struggle with on Sunday. “With students complaining about the financial aid office never …
Yale Law School Replaces LSAT Requirement with Drinking Game Tournament
Yale University, the number one ranking law school in the United States, has instituted a dramatic change to its admissions policy. Rather than having applicants take …
Cattle Sympathy Campaign Backfires, Consumers Excited to Eat Beef That Bears Their Name
Animal rights activists swarmed supermarkets early this October and placed the names and pictures on meat packaging of cows that were slaughtered. Their ultimate goal was …
Parking Lot to Be Removed, New Location for Parking Removal Committee Headquarters
UC San Diego Transportation Services announced on Monday that the Hopkins Parking Structure will be demolished in June 2019. In addition, Transportation Services announced that a …
Congress Increases Government Transparency, Will Install New Windows
Following accusations of a biased closed confirmation hearing of Brett Kavanaugh, Congress passed a Republican-sponsored bill “increasing congressional transparency” by installing larger glass windows on the …
Human Woman Added to Endangered Species List
Following Judge Brett Kavanaugh’s confirmation and appointment to the Supreme Court of the United States, the International Union for Conservation of Nature (IUCN) named human women …
Point/Counter Point
POINT: Parents, Watch Out for Drugs in Your Children’s Halloween Candy! Attention, fellow parents! It has recently come to my attention that marijuana products have a …
Political Pundit Fails at Asking Where Restroom Is, Wets Pants in Protest
“You bet I had an accident here,” says James Riddle, a notorious public urinator. “After three cups of the special ‘Iced Mocha Madness,’ I was really …
