Robert Renfro
Student Spends Four Years Studying Sugar Production, Finally Granulates
Kirby-Newkirk has been criticized for not double majoring in glucose and fructose, stopping him short of a disaccharide.Photo by Maria Dhilla After four years of painstaking theoretical …
Snickering Researchers Warn of New Threat Posed by Updog
Scientists have looked up high and down low, but unfortunately they have been too slow to catch the mysterious Updog.Photo by Maria Dhilla According to several extensive …
Speak Softly and Carry a Big Stick: A Guide to Becoming the World’s Best Golf Caddy
Speak Softly and Carry a Big Stick: A Guide to Becoming the World’s Best Golf Caddy Horace Scope, locally-renowned golf caddy, has begun the press tour …
Touch the Sky in Pilotwings! Or Don’t! See if I Care!
What’s up gamers? I’m a nameless pilot, and this return has been a long time coming…
Local Family Goes on Annual Ska Trip
Billy Johnson complained, “This trip was supposed to be Sublime.”Photo by Jack Yang In accordance with tradition, the infamous San Diegan family, the Johnsons, have completed their …
Clam Unhappy, Despite Common Saying
“It’s really hard to stay positive these days, as a clam,” said one local clam. “I mean, we barely have a foot to stand on!”Photo by Sharon …
White House Employees Sabotage Transition, Places Whoopee Cushion in Oval Office
Highly trained officers are still on the lookout for several cans of Silly String.Photo by Maria Dhilla According to reports from several anonymous sources within the White …
Bowling Balls to No Longer Be Made With Chocolate Center Starting in 2021
Healthy eating advocates support the change, claiming: “Less chocolate is right up our alley!”Photo by Jack Yang The storied sport of bowling rolled into a new era …
Cats Gets Two Paws Up
Sorry, I know this movie came out a while ago, but this review took a while to write. Hopefully I end up submitting it on time. …
UCSD Ranked #1 University by “Getting Hit by a Bike” Magazine
Reporters state that as soon as the interview was finished, another bike crash occurred outside the studio.Photo by Jack Yang UC San Diego has been honored with …
