Parking Lot to Be Removed, New Location for Parking Removal Committee Headquarters


Written by: Robert Renfro

“When do you think we’re getting windows?” a member of the Parking Removal Committee asked.
Photo by: Hannah Lykins

UC San Diego Transportation Services announced on Monday that the Hopkins Parking Structure will be demolished in June 2019. In addition, Transportation Services announced that a new $120 million facility will serve as the headquarters for the newly formed Parking Removal Committee. The committee was formed shortly after the Muir parking lot closed, as the university was “unsure where else we could get rid of parking,” according to an anonymous post on Piazza.

The head of the committee, Les Newkirk, commented on the new building, “UC San Diego is a world-renowned research university. We need to look toward the future and ask ourselves who we are as an institution. Do we want to be an institution that gets rid of parking all willy-nilly without planning? Or do we want to really plan out our destruction?”

Newkirk continued, “Imagine someone — say the Chancellor, hypothetically — walks into your office unannounced and says something along the lines of, ‘We need to build five more colleges.’ And there you are, sitting there, looking like a deer in the headlights and feeling highly unprepared. You say, ‘Sounds pretty sweet Boss, but I don’t know which parking lots to get rid of yet.’ Then, he just glares at you without saying another word and slowly walks out of the room without turning around, still glaring and getting visibly angrier. With this committee, I — I mean you — I mean we — as an institution can avoid this situation.”

Some students echoed the sentiments of the committee head, “You know, this might sound weird, but I really like construction, the sights, and the smells. I always see the fences and orange cones and think, ‘What are they building over there?’ Also, I live on campus and don’t have a car, so I don’t see how my thoughts on getting rid of parking lots are relevant. I don’t even know why you brought it up. Also, do you know where Center is? Oh, and don’t call me a freshman when you quote me because I have sophomore standing,” said UCSD freshman Kyle Murphy.

Despite this interview, reporters were not able to find any other students who agreed with the freshman. Most other students interviewed said that the plan was “perhaps not the best idea,” “something to be at least mildly skeptical of,” and “absolute trash.”

The committee has already announced its next project. The plans include eliminating Pangea so that a 200-foot solid gold statue of King Triton’s friend Kevin can begin construction. Newkirk explained the committee’s reasoning, “The committee, after much deliberation, came to the conclusion that it would boost morale among the student body if the whole campus was constantly under the watchful, yet caring, eye of Kevin. Do you want do disappoint Kevin? No. See? It works — morale boosted.”

Assistant Content at The MQ

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